Who is this woman & what has she done with my wife

[TSquared2]

Sure, I get that, and follow it myself. And there is the mental maturity thing too, I have acquaintances who should date a 24 year old, because that's about their mental age. And I know people who are around 36, but fit in better with old farts past mid-forties. Regardless, whether 20 or 75, the A was wrong, plain old simple wrong. You can add degrees of wrong, your choice, I don't, my choice. It's pretty binary for me.

Look, I remember being right where you are at, okay? In fact, that this is the 2 year anniversary time of my sitch, I am having flashbacks to the initial BD time, and accessing those feelings again.

So, would you over the weekend give some info on your W's upbringing, relations with parents, siblings, how she was in high school/college (eg, wallflower or party girl), etc? And any other things, traumas, etc since you've been M?

Here's why...what helped me move past this anger part, which took a terrible toll on me physically (nothing like having a toilet bowl full of blood from a bleeding ulcer to get one to re-think things), was to just "try" understanding, looking at it from her POV, from her life experience. For example, my W was sexually abused as a child and young teenager by her dad, and he then abandoned her and the rest of the kids emotionally until 2 years or so before he died (which triggered W's mlc rumblings I believe)...well, how does that affect a girls development? I had a great childhood, so I had no idea. She was horridly shy and a wall flower as a teen and young adult, I was her 2nd "real" relationship...I had a very, very well mis-spent youth, so I had worked through a lot of stuff by the time we got m.

Point is, I want to try to maybe help you get some understanding. I need to understand everything, it's my engineering nature. Doesn't mean you have to change anything, forgive, have compassion, etc. Those are all your choices to do, or not do.

I would rather make those choices with understanding, so I knew for me I made the right choice.

There is a cause for every effect, right? We are living in the effect (mlc), I would want to know the cause, or likely causes/theories.

So, would you do that for me?

Thanks!