Questions on the 37 rules and other advice...

[S4tk]

So I struggled whether the low contact approach toward her (don't pursue, don't ask out, don't initiate) will actually have the effect I am looking for.

There's a HUGE problem in that statement, and that is that it is all about what YOU want. What you want and what your wife wants right now are two completely different things. You are NOT going to get what YOU want (reconciliation) unless and until SHE wants it, and she isn't going to want it for as long as you keep trying to do things to convince her that she does. For now you've got to take your wants and desires, put them in a box, tie a bow around it and put it on the back of the top shelf of the closet. Hopefully some day you can get that box down and open it again, but you've got lots and lots of difficult work ahead before that day comes. What you have to do instead is give your wife what SHE wants- TIME and SPACE. In your words- don't pursue, don't ask out, don't initiate. It doesn't matter whether or not it has the "effect" you want, because it is what SHE wants and right now it is all she wants from you.

I guess only experimentation will tell me. I do need to start a journal too, to be more attentive to her reactions.

Boy, we all seem to go down the same road, LOL! We do things and then watch our spouse like a hawk after a mouse to see how they respond, then catalog whether what we did "worked" or "didn't work". The thing is, nothing is going to work right now. She's done. She is 100% convinced that things are over and there's no chance for the M. You can push her away, you can smother her with attention, you can buy her gifts, you can ignore her, you can paint yourself blue and dance circles around her while waving live chickens over your head. None of it will have any effect on just how done she is. Ironically the only thing that WILL work is for you to get so focused on yourself and making yourself the best possible person that you'll cease to care whether what you're doing has an effect on her or not. It's just like dating- the more available and attentive you are then the less interested she is. The more strong and independent you are the more interested she becomes.

AS,

Yes, I think I am at the point where I am not really pursuing, and where nothing she says is causing me to react with all those no-no's.

But I am still thinking about 180s in terms of changing her. However, I wonder how negative this really is. In DR, MWD does talk about how we all use manipulation, and 180 strategies are just purposeful plans to help change our marriage because when we change ourselves, it almost forces a change in the other. I know you 2x4'd me a bit about this (that's what they call it here, right?) and I don't mind because I want to be corrected if I am going the wrong direction. So keep the wood coming if needed

Also, where did you get the live chickens for your circle dance? Can I order them from this site?