I like to tell about MLC years down the road in the hope it helps in some way.
I can see my xh slowly peeking in and out. Interesting to watch from afar sometimes.
We had spent half a day together a couple of weeks back. It was strange. Hadnt done that in a great while.
I was me. Ur. Only way I know how to be.
He had his BMW. And I kept saying, whenever I felt like it, Oh xh, your BMW. We had to go run to the store for our son to pick up some supplies on something he was building. And I said, do you want to take the BMW?
So after awhile, he looks at me and says,"Ur, how many times are you going to say BMW?" I said, "Oh, as many times as I feel like it, why? He said, "That's what I thought. Just checking." and we both laughed.
It is what it is, right? He still doesnt really get it - all that he's done.
But I can see he is realizing all that he's lost. It is sad, really.
We got along pretty well. As I said, I was me. He likes me. Always has.
And my son was thrilled we were both there supporting him. I saw him look at us wistfully a few times.
He hasnt changed, from what I can see. Hasnt done any of the work. Still all caught up in what he has, what he's bought. That is sad to me, too.
He was always like that and I was always so not. But it has intensified in his MLC. He still hasnt figured out that isnt the way to happiness. But, that's still his journey.
We rode home together and that was nice. Until he said some things I didnt care for. I told him then and there. He apolgized.
He asked if I wanted to see his tattoo. The one that says, "Forgive the wrong that I've done and help me leave behind a reason to be missed." I told him it looked nice. Was he happy with it? He said yes. He said he got it for our son. I told him that was a really nice thing. And then he looked at me and said, and it was for other things too. I didnt answer. He didnt say anything more.
So, I still see a vacant look in his eyes. I see sadness.
He is still searching for happiness. He continues to hurt me and our son financially. I am thinking that is not helping him in his search. But maybe that's just me.
I can see he still gets a kick out of me. At one point, I said, "So, is it weird for you to be here with me like this?" He said, "I thought it would be, but, you've make it easy just like I knew you would, UR."
I said, I am just me, xh. Always was, always will be.
To which he replied, under his breath. Yes, you will be, Ur. Thank God for that.
And so it goes. If I had to guess, I would say he is going to pull way back. Either way, I am good.
