Afraid I have waited too long

[nit84]

HS, My wife's emotional needs are conversation affection and acts of service. I haven't always been great with conversation but over the last year I have tried to be better. It was pretty good up until the room mate speech in May. Then she was more interested in Facebook or TV after dinner than talking. I believe it was to avoid talking about the R and babies. As far as affection I have always loved holding hands in public or even if we are just sitting on the couch at home, kissing in public or private. I always kissed her goodbye when I left. Would kiss good night when I remembered until she spoke up and said why don't you kiss me goodnight so I remembered from that day forward. Problem is she says my love was all encompassing and smothering no romantic love. I told her I understood how she could feel that way and validated her feelings but respectfully disagreed. In regards to acts of service, I started helping with household chores about 18 months ago. She admits to this. I am not very handy so fixing things is not my forte and when I attempted to fix things I would get frustrated very easily and quit or she would tell me I was doing it wrong and I would give up. I was always too stubborn to ask for help from family because I had nothing to offer them in return. This would upset her. Since the separation I have started to get things together to fix up the house. I have made a vowel to myself and to her, but she doesn't always listen to me, I would no longer get frustrated and I would do things that she wants to fix up the house no matter how long it took me. My Family has assured me that they will help with anything I need. Problem here is when I say I would like to come over and do something I get an answer like "how will this inconvenience me". Or "why are you doing this now when I asked you to do it last year. You are just throwing it in my face because we wont be here and you will make me look at it till we leave.". She just told me the other day how lonely she has been the last two years and would cry herself to sleep. I was doing the same thing in the same bed ironically. She had caught me a few times and just fluffed it off. She also said she was lonely after we split. And also after our dog passed away last month. I told her we could rebuild from here and she wouldn't have to feel lonely. I told her all romantic things I loved doing with her running my fingers through her hair, stoking her cheek with the back of my hand, and holding hands. She said I was just saying these things. But she said she knows I heard her because she said she told me these were the things she liked last year. I told her we could start a family and she said "why didn't you say something sooner. I explained I wasn't sure of her reaction but that it is no excuse and I will regret it till I die.


@labug We were both drinking and never heard each other because we were both yelling. I always asked her what was bothering her and she would say "I have to work it out myself that is how I always have done it." I explained to her that I am her husband I was there to help and comfort her. She said she knows that she just has to do it herself. Most of the time I knew it wasn't me that was upsetting her but she still wouldn't open up. I have learned Patience and I am willing to wait. I think she knows this and it is working against me to some extent. Please keep the advice coming if you can it will be a great help.