Wow, my updates are really starting to stretch out! I'll take a page out of Spartan's book and write a...well, a book
XW and I were starting to get comfortable and I thought we might be inching towards healing. But I became aware that OM was still chasing her, and she hadn't shut it down completely so I started to distance myself from her again. We talked about it multiple times, and she knows how I feel about it, but yet isn't willing to cut ties with him.
Yesterday she dropped off some things and asked me if I had decided if we'd do Thanksgiving together. I told her I was uncomfortable with the idea. She left fairly quickly and then followed up with some texting. She admitted she was working with OM again (the honesty is good I suppose, but it also contradicts her statement a week ago that she had him blocked on her phone).
At that point I told her that until OM was out of her life, I was. I told her it wasn't healthy for me, nor was it healthy for any relationship I might start to continue acting like we have been. This isn't new news to her, but I need to walk the walk here. She told me how different she was, and how I would eventually see it, blah blah. There is absolutely no scenario where we could heal our relationship with OM involved in any shape or form....none. So with that, I am now as dark as I can be given the kiddos.
I think I'm finally at the point where I am accepting that there really might not be reconciliation (yes, I guess I'm either really slow, or really stubborn!). I was holding on tightly to hope that there would be at some point (which was keeping me from moving forward)....but I'm letting it slip away now. I thought XW would get to the point where she missed OUR life together....but so far, all she's missed is HER life with me.
My GAL was slow at the beginning of the month, but I started to get out there a bit more in the last few weeks. I stopped making excuses and pushed myself to do something, and I've been enjoying it. I've been on a few dates, and made a few more for the next few weekends. I rolled in some cooking classes, some wine tastings, and started hitting the gym a little heavier.
All in all, life is good. I feel like I've been on a mini-vacation these last few months in terms of self improvement so it's time I dug back in and finished a few books and ask myself again, "what don't I like about me? Who do I want to be?"
