Thanks, all, for your responses. smile

Had "one of those" evenings yesterday. Was just ticked off at XW in general - not for myself (really, NEVER for myself anymore) - but for the kids.
  • I don't like what they're going through.
  • I don't like how often they're left at home unattended so she can work (which is a half-hour away with no traffic - I'm 45 minutes away without traffic).
  • I don't like the lack of attention they get from her because she's scrambling all the time trying to just scrape by.
  • I don't like the how D3 treats XW and how XW is allowing the D's (in general) to get away with more than they should because she feels guilty about all of the above points (W tells me problems with kids behaviors - I used to offer solutions, which were met with "I feel bad so I allow..." - well, THAT attitude is leading to THIS behavior, but I guess since you won't do what is needed to correct it, you just want to complain about it to me.
  • I don't like the look in my kids eyes when I have to leave...I don't like the look in their eyes most of the time because I can just SEE the hurt.

That's what was going through my mind on my one hour and forty minute commute to the kids' house yesterday (traffic), as they were home alone waiting for me so we could go trick-or-treating because XW had left a couple of hours before to go to work.

All things that are mostly out of my control...I know. Sometimes it builds up and I feel that...indignation. And they have to go through all this because she has to prove something to herself. Well that's just dandy.

It's fine, though, because...you know..."kids are resilient" and "they'll be fine" and all that balderdash today's society accepts.

I will control what I can control, which means the girls will have an AWESOME time with me this weekend.

Some say it's good that XW still reaches out to me to vent. Some say she's using me as a crutch and she'll never get to the place she's stated she wants to go (being "okay on her own") as long as I am that crutch.

The correct answer is: it's both. But since we told the D's, I've been pulling away from her more.

I understand the risks. She's a mess, and she admits that. We'll see if she really works to be okay on her own, or if she just finds another crutch.

And, yes, D's and I had an AWESOME time trick-or-treating. smile

-PM


M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.