yeah- it would seem i am making myself crazy a bit. trying to keep busy in the extreme - even did some much needed -(long put off shopping) yesterday,.. i sure don't like shopping so much. but got the heck out of the house & did some useful chores - it's a darn shame haven't been called for work- feast or famin huh? oh well-
ya think it allll reallty is a "test" of some sort. i don't think that holds water , personally. if there is a kind and loving God, why in the heck would he get his jollies tormenting people with "tests?"
anyway- it's hard to not try and figure wtf with something soooo out of character.
i am soooo really negative about this- i'm sorry to recognize it in me. i don't want to be this person- all covering up and suspicious. oh well huh??? one more stinkin thing for me to work on . this mlc is gonna kill me- i'm telling you.
last nite was very cute around town with all the kids out and it was soooo balmy all the people were sitting on their front steps to hand out candy- when we walked it was really a nice time and super duper friendly upbeat experience around the whole town- nice.
i appreciate you stopping in-= you're a little life saver out there- always have a minute to make us all feel like you're there and interested. even when i don't have the shame to go find you to because i realize i'm a big ole downer - it's a gift man- your willingness to share yourself with us all.
you're a special person. no lie
it's quite overcast but glorious out- warm and beautiful leaves blowing allover - very windy- i'm going out before fall is over- then hopefully willl wash the windows- befoe it's cold again.
i know- keep going- stop thinking - stfu (i did, really, i haven't said anything negative - but it sure all is rolling aorund inside me. raine put it well- just bumbled into er thread about her feelings- me too. funny to hear someone else saying what ya feel- glad to not e only old goober out her feeling this junk.
i keep wondering if i should just take a mini escape vacation of some sort and take myself rite away from every darn thing in life- how the heck that would fix anything i don't know- i just want to disappear tho.
oh well - this too shall pass i'd reckon. going to do something creatiove & unique to this house today or die. idk what exactly- probablty paint something somewhere-
