The Big Chill

[Pudmuddle]

Thanks girls, I just don't know if he is crossing lines as he seems to be happy at the moment. Sigh. I did have a thought that if he asks about the finances again or any R talk I might ask him if he has given any thought to moving out so he can live his life.

I woke up earlier than usual this morning because I started thinking about this again. Then I remembered a convo some of us had with a guy at work about his W. He was talking about how tired he was because his W has major depression issues, anxiety attacks and was suicidal at one point. But the thing that got me was that he was there to support her, he was involved with his W's therapist and had done research on depression and supported his W fully through this. I told him how amazing I thought it was that he was still there to support her because it's hard for the spouse just as much.

This made me really sad because my H wasn't there through my depression and didn't attempt to try and understand it. It was like he gave up even wanting to help understand me. I was bad but not nearly as bad as this guy's W, but still going through one of the hardest times in my life. This makes me extremely sad that H didn't care enough...

The funny thing is I can't even cry anymore about this. Several times I have felt sadness but no tears even well up in my eyes.

I'll see if I can go out tonight with a friend and just be out, away from this nonsense. My house doesn't even feel like a home anymore.