So lost and hurt #3

[MrBond]

"Question for you experts. The more I think about my talks etc.. with my wife the more I have realized looking back is that the major thing holding her back is the lack of her trust in me. She has brought this up many time how she just does not know if she can ever get the trust back and it scares her. Is it possible for me to build back the trust givin my situation?"

Yes it is. HOWEVER, your W has no right to blame that solely on you. You broke her trust by talking to another woman. I get it. But let's face it, she wasn't perfect herself right? True communication can only take place when both people have looked at themselves and agree to break down those walls between them and just talk to one another with the knowledge that they aren't getting judged. The accident is a prime example. She blamed YOU. Yet she was the one driving. Next time she says something like that, stop her from talking and 1) ask if she's okay, 2) tell her that you're sorry she got into an accident 3) tell her that it was her fault for the accident and not yours because she was behind the wheel. Then end it.

"How do I go about doing this while detaching? Or is it just something that once its gone some people can never open up and let you back in?"

She'll let you back in, but only slowly. Think of it as an emotional wall she's built up and you're like a wave hitting that wall. The more you pursue and try to get her to talk or open up, the more fortifications she puts onto the wall. Instead, become like water and look for cracks in the wall. Slowly work your way through them and eventually the wall crumbles and comes down.