Situation. Married 10 years, together 14 1 month ago had the talk that started with My life is grey I am aimless, I tried to kill myelf last year. I don't know what I feel. Each weekend ( we have lived apart for the last 6 months due to job changes and it does not work well with us) another layer has been added to that initial conversation I don't feel anything for you. You detroyed my trust I am seeing some one else. He left early, said he wanted to think. Said that my moving over where he now lives would not work for him. Took my Divorce Buster book with him!
This weekend he is not home. He wa supposed to be here for a week but just left. Knowing it was going to be awful for me.
Of course I did the pleading thing, and the logic thing and the sounds like depression talk. That was not a good idea although my doctor thinks it is depression.
So it really is a strange place to be. I have read the books and do not want a divorce. He does not seem to have thought about what he wants, except to live for himself and have space. I am staying with I do not want to divorce. He does not want to tell anybody about us and is onvinced the people at work will not know about the affair.
I am trying to be myself and improve myself. I would agree with him that I have not been the support I should be and I can be controlling.
I am trying to figure out some reconciliation path or some way of maintaining contact without apppearing needy anx dependent. He said he is coming home next weekend. I have no reason not to beleivz that is probably true. I am really looking for advice on how to proceed. I do not want to drive him into a corner where he makes up his mind simply because I am being controlling and over bearing ( I do know my flaws just haven't worked on them as much as I should. I think we should organise to maintain some contact . I don't have my book to read but do remember the 180, so am planning a version of that. And what to do about the OW? I do not feel like we are in a place to discuss it, obviously it is still an exciting experience.She is still living with her husband and 3 children I asked if they were going to share his apartment he said no she gets her own in February. He is extremely stressed, has begun smoking again after 15 years and looks miserable then gets extremely angry. He stopped being affectionate with me the week he started the affair. We have always been good friends and talked about everything with each other but for me to discuss how they met and what they are doing this weekend is just a little bit too weird. I was really calm when he told me. I didn't suspect but was still calm. Broke down when he left of course. so advice folks. I don't think the month of NC idea will work here, I would also think about visiting him some weekends if he would agree but do not plan to push it. I have no clue what he is thinking. He did not say if he read the book or what his thoughts are. He made an arrangement to skype Monday. We used to talk twice aday until a month ago? Any help, advice, what not to do would be gratefully received
