I won't give up II

[Notlikingthis]

Bea,

I'm seeing just how difficult this can be with a mlcer. Even if they're not mean, angry or haven't given you a clue as to what was missing in the marriage, it's still a puzzling situation to be in. I think there were two things that he's complained about and neither of them had to do with my behaviors before his mlc. I rarely told him what to do without him asking. My big mistake in his mind was me voicing my displeasure with the situation and telling him what the consequences would be. "If you go visit the ow, you will be doing irreparable damage to our marriage (pre dbing)." To me that was more setting a boundary with a twist and voicing an opinion. I am far from perfect so I've had to figure out on my own what he may not have appreciated about me.

I'm a true supporter of and encourage individuality. What's right for me isn't necessarily right for someone else. If I saw him struggling with making a decision I might make a suggestion or try to get him to talk it through but would rarely tell him what to do. The manner in which he and I solve problems and resolve issues is so different that no natter what it was, he was going to have to figure it out on his own.

Boundary setting is getting slightly easier as I read and think about how to do it without making threats as I said above. I'll get there. I started with the car and then the wine. I'll be damned if I'm going to let him take it and share it with her!!! That's what motivated me but that's not how or why he saw me setting the boundary. I simply said NO with little explanation. Right or wrong, it felt good and right to me and so far seems effective. What more can we ask for on this crazy journey that we've been thrown into.

As always, I appreciate and look forward to your posts. You really make me dig deep and think. That is what I need, my friend. Thank you.