I won't give up II

[Notlikingthis]

Fy,

Thinking of the benefits that I supply. Hmmm, there really aren't any benefits unless we look at being polite, listening to his woes and accepting a dinner invitation occasionally as benefits. Maybe he sees those as benefits as I could be a raving B when he stops by.

I really never thought of setting a boundary for something that I had no control over or might not even know if he crosses. It would be easy to voice how disrespected I feel when they act as if we're all best of friends. As for running into our daughter again, my first thought is to tell him to send the hooker to the store by herself so that there won't be another traumatic experience for him. That makes me sound like a "mom" solving HIS problem. Asking him to be respectful of our daughter and letting him figure out what that means may be an option too.

I know that he doesn't want to lose what is left of our r. I hear it in his words and feel it when I talk to him. I've been looking through posts and archives to find the proper way to set a boundary. Once it's out there, I will have no problem enforcing it. It has to be set with a non threatening tone and that's where I'm lost.

When we had our last conversation about the sale of the car he agreed to let me pick up the check (will have both of our names on it) from the dealership and deposit into a joint 2 year financial instrument. I set another small one when he came by a few days ago asking me if he could take a bottle of wine with him. I flat out said no, if you need wine the grocery store has many to choose from...I said it with a smile in my voice but he got the point. He tried to argue a little and I told him that the bottles in the cellar were purchased for US. He dropped it.

RL, I didn't see your post here until after I posted on your thread. I'm in full agreement about why they take ow/om back or even continuing in a so called relationship with someone that they speak so poorly of. Your h might have a legitimate reason for his behavior because of his Lyme's disease. Mine doesn't. He's a bright man who has gotten lost in the smoke and mirrors of the ow.

Today he called to tell me about another award that he received at work. He has a wall and desk full of awards and commendations for the work that he has done over the past 10 years with his current company. Excellence in this, Outstanding performance in that, Creativity awards, blah, blah, blah. They mean nothing to him except to feed his ego now. He is invincible and entitled during this mlc, just as a teenager would feel.

He has been just slightly more aware recently. He explained to me why he wanted to sell the car and how plans on selling a few more items that he doesn't need. Backing up 3-4 years now. When we moved to our new home here our decision was based on downsizing our home, possessions, getting out of the rat race and simplifying our lifestyle. We got rid of at least 1/3 of our belongings and kept only what we valued most. Over the past year or so he's accumulated some extras that weren't necessary but that he thought he wanted or needed.

He's decided to go back to that philosophy and is getting rid of everything that he sees no need for, telling me that they are just "things". I see it as a positive as he's gone back to a pre-mlc attitude. The car, which btw I'm happy to see go as it was tainted by ow's ickyness, was the car that he played musical garages with when they had their blow outs. It was a 2008 sporty sedan with less than 3,000 miles on it. They gave US a little over $22K for it. The rest of the items won't have nearly the value but it's the idea of coming full circle that has me thinking about where he's headed. I could be dead wrong but maybe he's starting to think more rationally.

He will be left with his truck and the ow is going to bring her old van up here. It's one that she would have had towed to the junk yard had he not told her that she should bring it up here if she wanted as there is no more sporty sedan for her. HA! In my dreams he is squeezing her into a lifestyle that she doesn't want and will probably not put up with for very long.

There is more to this but I will continue as it unfolds.

Thanks again for stopping by to help me see things in a clearer way. I'll get this eventually. Reading has helped me remember that there is no one set way to do this and no concrete answers to most of the questions that I have. I have to do the hard part and find a way that works for me and my mlcer.