Ambivalent, I'm curious to know how you think you might have reacted if your husband behaved more like me.

Just curious though, when you first were living together and your libido went pffft, were you using birth control pills and/or anti-depressants? This scenario has caused libido trouble for many young women and many doctors are too clueless to warn about it.

My wife would probably describe a lot of our early marriage the same way you did with regard to being stressed out, kids, exhausted, allergies, infections, etc. And also similar with regard to her own body and orgasms.

But when it comes to you fixing yourself, and trying to involve your husband, you two have flipped roles compared to my wife and I. I've tried to get her to a motel room for a "tryst" away from home, and it was a flop. I've tried getting her books on female orgams, etc., and it flopped badly. She was insulted and I felt embarrassed. She accused me of being way too focused on sex, like I was some kind of pervert.

Unlike your husband, even though I felt rejected and unloved many times, I never lost my libido, and she could easily have seduced me any time. Though her rejection of me certainly made me feel crushed at times, I never cried about it. I've never had an MLC and I'm almost always in good spirits, with lots of interests that keep me going (yes, besides sex, believe it or not!)

So if your husband had been in good spirits and his sexual desire for you had never waned one bit, and he only tried to talk to you about the lack of sex as a problem all the time, while cheerfully wining and dining you, would you have taken him seriously?

Perhaps his loss of sexual desire for you was part of what made you realize the effect it had on him? Perhaps my unchanged desire for my wife, no matter what, makes her feel like I'm not really experiencing a problem? Perhaps if I cried and seemed depressed she'd have more feelings for me? Perhaps she just thinks of me as an endlessly cheerful sex machine that's not tied to real feelings?

How would you have reacted if your husband had acted like me?