Unlearning conflict avoidance - 8

[MrBond]

"for the guys here: what is reasonable to expect from life?"

Everyone is different, therefore everyone's answers will be different and will not have anything to do with yours. Some expect success in business, some expect to have a great family life, etc. The question is...what do YOU expect?

"How often do friends check on you or say hello?"

Again, this is an open-ended question. To have friends means that you can call them up if you feel like it and vice versa. Some closer friends may go out with you often and others not so much.

"I feel lonely a lot - are we simply supposed to grin and bear it?"

I'm glad you're feeling this way. Too long have you lived a lonely life and didn't see it as such. This may be your turning point.

"Do we just live from hope to hope, looking forward to the next planned amusement, and ignoring the rest? Right now it isn't much fun."

You're way over-analyzing things again. Bottom line is that you do what makes you happy. I think you've been so "proper" for so long that you forgot what that's like. Here's a suggestion. Go to a playground where children are playing. Watch their faces. They have no expectations or worries about whether someone is going to judge them. They just ... be. They play with whomever and whatever is around them and if there is nothing around, they create things from their imagination. You've forgotten how to "play".

"Stopping my fear of my W - is it just a rational thing, telling myself that she is not an ex-commando, that her weapons are just (admittedly painful) words, at worst?"

It's the FEAR that's irrational. YOU give her power. YOU feel the creature. Imagine if a crazy stranger on a street corner talked to you the way she did. Would you give that person any credence? Would their words hurt you? Of course not. Your W's words don't hurt you. YOU do by giving those words power. You can just as easily take that power away.

When she spews or says something ridiculous, just chuckle shake your head and walk away. See her as the crazy stranger. Visualize that. Understand that you are more powerful than she is.