Why did you seek out an affair? Usually this happens because there are problems in the marriage, rarely do people seek affairs when they're in active, healthy, loving, sexually fulfilling marriages. You need to get to the root of that problem and solve it, because if you don't you're going to be back in the same sitch somewhere down the road.
If your W has said she's willing to work on things, then by all means seek out a DB coach for help, or a REALLY GOOD MC or both. Also check into Retrouvaille, it is an amazing experience for couples in trouble.
