We meaning both of us. Trying to figure out who is more at fault for distance in our marriage is irrelevant and gets us nowhere. It is what it is and SBT says we need to move on from here.
You are correct. SBT does say that you move forward from this point.....
I would take that a step further though....
YOU have to take it forward from that point, not her, not we.....you have to....
And using the word "we" , sounds completely like you are trying to fix this for her.
Originally Posted By: JFun51
I do not blame W for failures in our R any more than I am solely responsible. It took 2 of us to neglect it to the point of life support. Maybe I am judging her for her reaction to our R being distant and lacking.
If you are judging her, then you really need to recognize that within yourself.
The only thing that you can do, is to recognize what she is going through, and step out of her way.
You believe in MLC...right ?
I am gonna assume that you do (since you are posting on a MLC forum)..
What does that really mean to you ??
How deeply do you understand MLC, and the devastating affects that it has on, not just the MLCer, but the whole family structure ?
This isn't something that she simply decided to do one day, just to peeve you off. This is ingrained DEEPLY into her existence buddy.
Judging her comes from a place of not understanding, or loving her enough to watch from a distance as she attempts to navigate periods of her life, that are non-existent for her.
Have you attempted to forgive her for what she is dealing with yet ??
Have you attempted to forgive yourself yet ???
Originally Posted By: JFun51
I haven't been unfaithful and sought the company of other women. It's very hard to withold being judgmental when you are trying so hard to be a good man and the woman you love is completely lost in a fog.
Does that make you a better person the she ???
Does that lessen your inadequacies any less ???
Does it make you feel better climbing on your soapbox, if you step on her to get there ????
Yea, it's "hard" to not judge her when you are trying to be a better man...
Truth is, by judging her, you are NOT being the bEtter man....you are being the bItter man.
Man, I'm not trying to be harsh with you at all.
I just want you to "see" deeper than you are right now....
