You just have to believe in the pursuer/distancer dance.
I read about this awhile back....but need to restudy and remind myself of this.
I had an epiphany the other day. When H and I first met, he asked me out for 3 months before I would say yes. At that time, I was coming out of another very abusive R, so I was really hesitant to date anyone, including my H. But, when we did start dating, I was stupid...and we got PG right away and the dynamics of our R changed. After that, for our entire marriage, I've been the pursuer, mostly. I can see parts of our past where I backed off, and let H pursue again...and that seemed to help our R. I need to work on this.
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Just know you are much stronger than you realize. You know there are emotions deep inside you that could come out even despite your sitch. I can tell you you have a wealth inside you that you don't even realize !!! And I know there is "warm and friendly" lurking there just below the surface!
Thank you, rH!!! I keep looking at your sitch and how far you've come...and how far your H has come and it gives me hope at my darkest moments. Thank you for seeing the strength in me that I can't see sometimes.
BF:
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From the outsider point of view your H goes through the typical cycles. I’ve read so many storied on this board, so your experience is not unique. In your case, right now, your H is probably re-evaluating his decision. I guess it is not that simple after all, to leave a wife and the kids after 15 years of M.
BF, it does help me to be reminded that others have journeyed through this exact stuff and are ok....that my H is going through the typical MLC junk and that I really have no control over it.
PM: I'll keep working on detaching and improving me. I am thankful for those brief moments when I get so absorbed in my life...that I forget about H for awhile.
