Like you, I am still trying to figure out if what I am doing is good DBing or bad DBing. This whole sitch is so confusing.
You mentioned that you have been reading a lot. My DB coach suggested a book that she wanted me to read - "Surprised by Love" by Dr. Jay and Julie Kent-Ferraro. I cannot recommend the book enough. It tells the story of how they met, their marriage, the demise of their marriage, his affair and their reconciliation after divorce. Each incident that they talk about is told from the wife's perspective (hurt partner) and then from the husband's perspective (unfaithful partner). I learned so much from the book, not just about what my H may have been feeling or thinking, but about myself. Hearing the unfaithful partner explain why he fell out of love with his wife made me look at myself and understand what I had done wrong in our marriage. It also gives you a glimpse into the fantasy world that the unfaithful spouse is living in. The book was eye opening. It really changed how I looked at myself, my H and our marriage.
