Slow down and be deliberate in my actions. Proactive not reactive... tough to do consistently. What helps you to realize when your falling onto old behaviors?? Do you journal?
I'm so happy things have taken a positive uptick for you.
I only journal here, now. I used to journal but maybe should go back to it. I have a great IC who keeps me honest. I realize when I've been fixing after the fact. It doesn't happen a lot but I think when you're re-establishing a R with someone who you're known for many years, it's incredibly easy to fall into old patterns.
But what I've found is in practicing new skills it makes the relationship new and fresh because things aren't as they were before. We are different people than we were 2.5 yrs ago.
When I say slow down, it's slow down and listen, realize that I don't know what he's thinking. I need to ask more questions, reflect more and never assume. Conversations between partners shouldn't be just one more thing to "get through" in the midst of a busy day.
Being vulnerable is a big part of this. Laying your true self and your needs out is scary. I always hid my vulnerable self before, I'm trying not to this time around.
We had dinner together last night and we got on the topic of birth and he talked very thoughtfully about the births of our sons and how it made him feel, how he shed tears (he's not a cryer) and how it felt to hold them for the first time. I've heard versions of this story before but I don't think I ever really "heard" it. It moved me.
How often do we have these conversations and never really hear the other person?
Good to hear from you, SG!
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
