Most definitely. I have started a spiritual practice called "A Course In Miracles". I mediate/pray and I am working hard at getting back to me. As I said I allowed my fear/ anxiety to take over. I spend about 2.5/3 hours a day reflecting and working on seeking inner happiness and balance rather than running to find ig externally.
Since I am less stressed, I am not eating to anestitize my feelings and I have actually lost 10lbs. Wooohooo!
I consider school GAL as well, as with or without him, my degree is invaluable to me. I always told myself I wasn't good enough to go to college.
As part of the course in miracles and Gabby's "May Cause Miracles"... I have been working self care anyway. A relaxing shower each day, a little makeup in the am (for me), things that make me feel good without being destructive or unhealthy.
I did see light from him yesterday, we went down to the store for groceries and he held my hand in the car ( this never happens). He also said he was proud of me and the last couple of weeks he has noticed a big change in me, he said he feels hopeful.
uhhhh... my phone and my computer appear to be accessing different accounts. To be clear Blyndfayth is also me. I couldn't access this account, couldn't figure out the username, email or password... lol! Long story short I figured it out as soon as I created the other account, go figure. I'm in the process of figuring out how to delete the new account. No sense in reinventing the wheel after all. Any chance any of you have any experience with this?
This morning I feel terrible. I am fighting becoming the WAW. I love my husband, but some verrry important parts of our relationship have been missing for years. Lastnight he was very distant, bad day at work I suppose. We barely spoke, he yelled at the kids alot, and sat at his computer litterally all night. This has become his norm. He spends from the time he gets home until latenight (we never go to bed together) sitting playing games, often on the phone with friends. We used to do this together. We used to rock. We would parent, do the house stuff, relax together and then bed. Now I am largely left on my own. He is barely a roommate. At least now I see where he is coming from.
I guess now I need to detach and let him figure out what he wants. Is it selfish to think about what I want? I want the man that takes us out to breakfast and walks to the store with me. I want the man with the sense of humor and warm smile. I want him to make a point of going to bed with me. I want my $#/% £&* husband back.
This morning I feel terrible. I am fighting becoming the WAW. I love my husband, but some verrry important parts of our relationship have been missing for years. Lastnight he was very distant, bad day at work I suppose. We barely spoke, he yelled at the kids alot, and sat at his computer litterally all night.
Those are all signs of depression. It sounds like this has been going on for quite some time, so he may be clinically depressed versus just being in a down mood. If you're on the verge of being a WAW then by all means approach him in as loving a manner as possible and ask him to see his PCP and get evaluated for depression. Some medication and/ or therapy could completely turn his life around. It can be difficult getting depressed people to seek help though. Usually a depressed person doesn't realize how sick they were until they're coming out of it. They also don't realize how harmful their depression is to those around them.
H is hardening his heart. He has made up his mind that there is no fix to us. Says I wont give him space and that I shouldnt even be thinking about our relationship, I should be fixing everything that is wrong with me.
I am scared, frozen in fear this morning. He's emotionally gone. Thinking about other women.
Despite all the progress I thought I was making, I am a train wreck. Please help..
I am (perhaps wrongly) making arrangements to leave the house for a week. I am going to board my dogs, have my mother take the big girls and go stay at a friends starting sunday afternoon.
H is hardening his heart. He has made up his mind that there is no fix to us.
WAS's always speak in absolutes. Things will NEVER get better, things have ALWAYS been bad, this marriage is completely done, etc. etc. Don't let it get to you. There are many happily reconciled couples out there who have heard the exact same words you're hearing now.
Quote:
I am scared, frozen in fear this morning.
Take a deep breath! This is a marathon, not a sprint. Your BD was less than a month ago, you've got many, many months of dealing with an unstable H ahead of you before he might even begin to turn around. You're letting his mood dictate yours. You're on his roller coaster. You've got to step back, detach, work on you, leave him to it.
Quote:
Despite all the progress I thought I was making, I am a train wreck.
Your expectations are too high, you're expecting changes too soon. Just keep to your DB'ing and drop the expectations. Don't expect to see progress from your H anytime soon. It's normal to have anxiety early on, just keep at it, it gets better!
So lastnight my H seemed to have a moment of lucidity. I have been a wreck. I derailed for the last few days it seems. Today I have to get back on track.
I have all the arrangements made to leave on Sunday, he says it would be a mistake. I just feel so much pressure, I want a break.
advice on getting out of tailspin mode appreciated.
Ok, so I have regained composure and refocused. So... I would still like opinions. Is it better to stay in the house and let him possibly see my setbacks or is it better for mt to leave and get thing under control first?
He says if I leave it's a mistake as I will only think he has spent the week cheating on me. I just honestly feel like we need this space. I feel like I need time out of the hurt and stress of this relationship to get my personal issues straightened out. I don't know if that is a common feeling amoung WAS and I certainly don't want to do more damage.
Most definitely. I have started a spiritual practice called "A Course In Miracles". I mediate/pray and I am working hard at getting back to me. As I said I allowed my fear/ anxiety to take over. I spend about 2.5/3 hours a day reflecting and working on seeking inner happiness and balance rather than running to find ig externally.
So you go to college 5 days/week, have four children (all under the age of 10), several dogs, your MIL lives with you, and you somehow have 2.5-3 hours/day to meditate/pray?
Do you live on a different planet or in some kind of time warp? May I visit and get some of my own stuff done there if I promise to leave?
Holy guacamole!
Bee-tee-dubs, if you feel like this:
Originally Posted By: Emily28
I NEED a break.
Then maybe you should take a break.
You can't escape your problems, but sometimes it is helpful to get away from the hecticness of real life to recharge your battery.
*I'm* not casting a vote, I'm just saying YOU should do whatever it is that YOU think YOU need to do.
Given your marriage's status, I can't see how taking a week to decompress is really going to do any damage. If it ends up seeming like it does, it is probably just revealing damage that was already done.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
