After 2.5 M/L years of separation, H and I have decided to date. And that really what it is right now and we're having fun. There's not real talk of the future, not much talk of the past. We're not in MC.
We're dating and it's working for us right now. I had gotten to a great place in my life before he decided to move toward me so I had some reticence about getting back together and am in no rush to change anything in my life. Neither of us are ready to move in together.
We have talked a bit about some of the unhealthy things that brought us to separation and how we can do better this time. WE did the 5LL evaluation together, he actually did it without complaint and took it to heart. That's a 180!
We see each other once a week, sometimes not that much due to our work schedules but check in with each other every day. This is a big change for both of us because we never did that before. I like it, it does keep us connected. I consider these text communications a part of quality time which is one of my LLs.
We were in a SSM before, I was tired, uninterested, didn't have time, didn't care. That's changed, because I've changed. We are no longer SS. Physical touch is his LL.
I still have things to work on, and need time to practice my new skills in an actual intimate R. I sometimes find myself going on automatic especially in the areas of communication and fixing. I catch myself but it's a flag for me to slow down.
When I started this journey, I never thought I would be here. Really, had no illusions.
But here I am.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I'm impressed with the grace, compassion, kindness, and patience you have expressed throughout your journey, and thankful that you extended those same qualities to others, like me, as you went through such a difficult time in your life.
I am very happy to see where you are with your H, and I wish you nothing but the best.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
You sound at peace, I hope things continue to go well for you. I look forward to continuing to follow your story. Thank you so much for all of your support and wisdom over the past year.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
I still have things to work on, and need time to practice my new skills in an actual intimate R. I sometimes find myself going on automatic especially in the areas of communication and fixing. I catch myself but it's a flag for me to slow down.
Slow down and be deliberate in my actions. Proactive not reactive... tough to do consistently. What helps you to realize when your falling onto old behaviors?? Do you journal?
I'm so happy things have taken a positive uptick for you.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Bugsy you have become a women only a fool would leave and Dick ain't no fool I'm very proud of the work you put into yourself. I read often how you catch yourself. I see myself doing the same. I will continue to pray that your goals come true and will be here by your side to support you. Ps: you noticed that people have to translate for me in my real life too lmao
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
I know you will handle this in your wonderful Bug way - with introspection, compassion, and strength. Wishing you all the lovely things your heart can hold.
I know you know that our journey never ends. So, take all you know, all you've learned, all your changes and sieze the day.
Wonderful Labug!! Wonderful to hear great news full of hope just before I go to bed. I will add you to my prayers for tonight as you are yet another testimony that prayers are answered.
Magic
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Slow down and be deliberate in my actions. Proactive not reactive... tough to do consistently. What helps you to realize when your falling onto old behaviors?? Do you journal?
I'm so happy things have taken a positive uptick for you.
I only journal here, now. I used to journal but maybe should go back to it. I have a great IC who keeps me honest. I realize when I've been fixing after the fact. It doesn't happen a lot but I think when you're re-establishing a R with someone who you're known for many years, it's incredibly easy to fall into old patterns.
But what I've found is in practicing new skills it makes the relationship new and fresh because things aren't as they were before. We are different people than we were 2.5 yrs ago.
When I say slow down, it's slow down and listen, realize that I don't know what he's thinking. I need to ask more questions, reflect more and never assume. Conversations between partners shouldn't be just one more thing to "get through" in the midst of a busy day.
Being vulnerable is a big part of this. Laying your true self and your needs out is scary. I always hid my vulnerable self before, I'm trying not to this time around.
We had dinner together last night and we got on the topic of birth and he talked very thoughtfully about the births of our sons and how it made him feel, how he shed tears (he's not a cryer) and how it felt to hold them for the first time. I've heard versions of this story before but I don't think I ever really "heard" it. It moved me.
How often do we have these conversations and never really hear the other person?
Good to hear from you, SG!
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Way to go, girl!
I'm very proud of the work you put into yourself. I read often how you catch yourself. I see myself doing the same. I will continue to pray that your goals come true and will be here by your side to support you.