Hiya JF. You've got some really good people posting to you.
Mach, Truegrit and AJM will really make you think. Listen closely and let their words sink in.
Just wanted to say a few things, if I may.
You are still so early into this. So, you have to dig in and realize it's a marathon, not a sprint.
THe feelings you are having are all normal. You are grieving and going through all the phases of that. It is important that you feel them all. Then when you are ready, let them go.
You dont want to get stuck in any one phase for too long.
So, you are not liking your wife right now. Understandable. But here's the thing. If you believe she is in crisis, then, it is good to try to find compassion. She is going back to that little girl whose mother left and who's father didnt accept her. She didnt learn all the coping skills she needed back then. She has to go back and figure it out before she can close the door on it.
Trust me, you would not want to be in her head. But that doesnt mean she gets a free pass on her actions. Those are hers to own.
People often misunderstand detaching. It doesnt mean you dont love her or you are abandoning her. It means you love her so much you are willing to let her go. That is the ultimate act of love.
It also means that you are honoring your long term marriage and the mother of your children by allowing let her walk her journey. Your job is to get out of the way.
I know your w is very angry. And since you are the closest person to her, you are the one she is going to target. She thinks if she can just get rid of you, then she will be happy. It isnt until she looks within that she will realize it is her.
It is important that you continue to do the work on you. You have children watching you. You need to show them how to handle life's tough spots with strength and courage.
Your changes need to be real and for you. Otherwise it doesnt serve you or the situation well.
Dbing seems counterintuitive, I know. Trust the process.
No matter what happens, you will not be sorry if you have look within.
So, keep working on you. Give her plenty of space to work things out. Make your changes permanent. You own your stuff. Leave hers to her.
Look to see what things she has said have merit. Work on those.
I know this is very hard. It aint for the faint of heart. But, it is a journey you were meant to go on,too.
Dig in. Take care of you and your children. Leave the rest in His very capable hands.
