I have seen that we have some new folks here. I wanted to say sorry you are here, but, you have landed among some very special people.
I know the pain in the beginning. It is hard to breathe at times. Hard to concentrate, hard to get your mind around what has happened.
I want you to know it will not always feel like this. You will feel strong again, whole again, happy again. You will.
It will help if you do a few things. One of the best things you can do is to accept that this is happening. You don’t have to like it, you don’t have to understand it right now. But, the sooner you can just accept that this is your life at this moment, the sooner you can begin to heal.
If you fight against it, if you wish it wasn’t, you stay stuck. You cannot move forward holding onto all of that. That is just wasted energy. Energy better spent on you.
You must learn to forgive yourself. The way to do that is to remember that whatever you did or didn’t do in your marriage was never with the intent to cause harm to it or your spouse. You did the best you could at the time.
I know that you are going round and round in your head, thinking, if I just did this, if I just said that. You have to try to really believe that this crisis was supposed to happen. There was absolutely nothing you could have done to stop it. You just don’t have that kind of power.
So, there are a couple of ways you can go here. You can stay with the mindset that you are a victim and that there isn’t anything you can do while this is happening. You can do nothing and let the chips fall where they may or you can take this journey.
You have power in this. You have control in your part of this. And the best way to navigate through it is to become your strongest self. The only real way to do this, is through it.
If you do that, a few things happen. You become who you were meant to be. You show your children what it is to be strong and to overcome what life throws at you. You see what you are made of.
Dbing is about saving you. And sometimes it saves marriages.
They were supposed to have this crisis. They are broken and need fixing. But, that’s their part. They need to figure out how to do that. You cant hurry it along. You cant do it for them.
The thing about this for you is, what are you going to do while they do that?
I know I felt as you did. I was angry and sad and distraught. I thought I would never make it through it. I did.
I had to decide who I wanted to see when I looked back at all this. And I knew I wanted to see someone I could be proud of. I wanted to see someone of courage and strength and honor. I did the work. I looked within. I changed and I grew. It was so hard. But I am glad I chose me.
