I've looked at life from both sides now

[reachingHigher]

Hi Raine!

I was happy to read your post!

You're doing so well.

I don't know if I will ever get back to that pre-BD state. IMO, you won't. We won't. You're different. He is different. You can still have a happy, ecstatic, in-love M, knowing that if the rug is pulled out from under your feet, you can make it. You are wiser now. You have strength, resources.

It's very strange when you get to this point, I have to tell you. There is the drive to push it, to force things, to guide it...
To sit back and continue to let him work it out is HARD. Because the answers are so simple.
Agreed. I felt this same way. It takes so much patience still.

I still struggle with wanting to control H. But it is getting easier over time.

And when he slipped into a little replay activity this weekend (story on my thread), I was WITH him. He wanted me there.

It still is hard to not want to say to him "this behavior is unacceptable." To smile, hug him, be happy to see him, feel his pain still, and not expect him to be totally comfortable in his own skin.

At times, I still ask myself, when will I be M to a mature man? Someone who is still fun but doesn't only seek teenager activities?

I looked inside myself and thought something I read on this forum long ago. Something like the best way to move our spouses along is to move along ourselves. So that's what I'm gonna do.

And I hear in your post that is what you are doing. And you're guarding your heart.

Yes, my H said many times how much easier it would be to start with someone new. But I reminded him, and luckily his personal IC did too, that it would only be a matter of time when the same situation arises if you haven't taken care of the problems.

So glad H drew closer to you when his parents left.

The pain and the hurt is difficult to manage. It's hard to work through pain when the person who caused it shows no remorse for it. I'm going to start IC for this reason. This is so true. My H has never acknowledged to my satisfaction what he put me through. I think he just sees me as a rock. I think IC (the right one) can not only help you with your pain but help balance things in your mind. Helps with not over analyzing and blowing things out of proportion, as you mentioned.

Keep going, Raine, it's all good stuff.
Hugs,
rH