This is going to be quick because while I'm having a really good week at work, I'm also having a really bad week at work. I'm not sure if the highs are going to outweigh the lows either.
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Just noting this occasion because birthdays, anniversaries and holidays around DBland always do seem to dredge up confusion about what is the right thing to do, what would be wanted, what would be DB, what do I want to do, how will it be perceived.
Bingo, baby. I can tell you from experience that when my XH was firmly entrenched in this world, especially the first year of physical separation, he engaged in this behavior. He did it after then too, but it was the norm that first year after he moved out.
He actually told me that while he *was* confused, he didn't want to be with me and the girls and pretend (his word) that we were a happy family. He didn't want to pretend to himself that things were okay. He also didn't want to give me false hope. (I know, I'm still gagging.)
Don't take it personally, and I know you wrote that. It's really more a reflection of where he is and his mind reading than where you actually are. And my XH is truly a good dad and very involved with our girls - yet he would repeatedly ask for no kids on his birthday and father's day too. It confused them and it bothered me too. He was really guilty of pretending he knew what I was thinking - when, in fact, he was far off base.
I know it's a pain. But think about what ugly thoughts he's probably thinking by himself too. That must be some heck of a horrible self talk monologue he has going.
Hang in there, kiddo.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
