I Believe it Cause I Feel It

[Whiterose]

Brought S14 for his talk with our GP......his comment....S14 doesn't like to talk. HAHAHA I did say to him "I told ya so!"

We talked to him about needing to talk. So that he doesn't "blow" Went for dinner afterwards and I did say to him again that he NEEDS to talk. To his counsellor, or me or someone else but he needs to. He opened up slightly. Said "I just don't understand. He left without saying anything" He said this a few times. I'm feeling there may be some abandonment issues. I'm getting the forms to start the process of testing for ADHD. When he was tested 5 years ago the Dr mentioned she thought it may be the case but, unfortunately, I never got a copy of the letter so I never saw that. We're starting now.

Haven't heard a word from H. S18's family, my family, bday dinner was this past Sunday. His bday is on the 5th but we have a family baptism this coming weekend so we did it a week early. Apparently, H messaged S to ask how dinner was. Was he spoiled with food. My mom always cooks a big dinner and someone brings a cake (S18 asked me to make a tiramisu so I made one up) I was surprised he asked. Barely acknowledges my family's existence.

I don't know what to make of him

[Wonka]

Your son may be one of the people who just doesn't like to talk about their feelings. I am one of them and I just don't like those confessional talks with anyone. Just not me. You could say that I am an internal processor. The more people try to pressure me to talk, I dig in more deeper and clam right up. People who know me really well know that when I want to talk, I'll talk.

[Whiterose]

Thank you for your insight Wonka. I understand that he may not be a talker but it's coming out in fits of anger and explosions at home and school. He's burying it and that is very concerning for us all. It's what H's entire family does, they ignore EVERYTHING challenging, and they're all a bloody nightmare of dysfunctional adults creating dysfunctional children (not even exaggerating a little here BTW).

I've allowed S14 not to say anything for close to 7 months but with things getting worse I need to find a new approach. At least try, right?

[LoisB]

Whiterose,

My H's family is very similar... Image-obsessed and focused on avoiding anything messy or uncomfortable.

I have no words of wisdom about your son. I can relate. My D11 has a hard time expressing her emotions too. I just try to be there and I reach out to comfort her as best I can.

Is he interested in sports? Is there some other outlet where he could express himself? Art?

Hang in,

Heather

[Whiterose]

Thanks for checking in Heather:)

He's into video games and computers......not a sporty bone in his body! haha can't even stand watching sports which makes it hard hockey nights as S18 loves his Canucks!! haha He used to enjoy art but has kinda fallen out of "like" with it. I did have him in some beginner cooking classes, designed for kids, but cannot afford it now that H refuses to pay ME any money until I get with the program. He also enjoys lego, is actually very, very good at it. Had a master lego designer at one of our local malls and he commented on S14's abilities........but, again, lego is expensive and he completes the most complicated designs quickly I'm spending $300 for a couple of days of amusement.

It's hard with these silent ones. At least S18 talks to his buddies, and my mom, and once in a while he vents with me.

Hope your D can share a bit with someone soon

[job]

WR,
May I suggest that you take some time and ask your son to tell you about this interests in the games and see if he'll show you how to play them. Sometimes, you have to get down to their level to get them to open up. In order to spend time w/my nephew, I had to do this and I've learned a lot about him and his interests and yes, he's also into computers too.

It's a great way to bond and most games allow more than one player. You might be surprised and find that you like some of the games.

[Pudmuddle]

that's a great idea job. it reminded me that when my S16 wasn't talking (he is also a gamer), I would just go down and sit with him while he was playing, just to let him know my presence was there. I never asked about talking or anything.

A few times after that when he was suddenly very quiet, I would just say 'I'm here to talk with you about anything, you know that right?' Then I wouldn't say anything further or wait for any kind of response or reaction, just leave him to himself.

A few weeks ago he talked to me about something very personal to him, so I knew he felt comfortable when he DID want to talk about it..

Just some thoughts I had while reading job's post.

[Whiterose]

Very good point Job....I will try sitting with him while he plays. He does explain stuff to me, shows me videos, but I get so confused by it all. The kids learned early on that mom even playing mario brothers was not a good idea.....I tend to die about 7 seconds in! haha

definitely give it a go though.


Thank you to you both!

[job]

WR,
You'll get the hang of the games, but you've got to stick w/them. I got killed off more than I care to admit, but I've got the hang of it now. The one that my nephew taught me first was Angry Birds and they have so many new levels w/that game.

It's a first step and it will lead to more fun and bonding time and yes, even talks...but you've got to be determined to play the games no matter if you die in the first 30 seconds!

[Whiterose]

Job, honestly, you have far too much faith in my abilities with video games HAHAHA I will try though!

Job do you think H asked about our family birthday dinner (for S18) out of curiosity or because he missed it? H started coming around, the first time he left, after he was born (showed up at the hospital....shocked the crap outta me) and we've been together pretty much ever since. Wondering if he's feeling a little nostalgic or if, probably is, it just me.