A while back it used to really hurt me to hear my kids talk about my stbx and the OM but now I really appreciate that they open up to me and I don't think its good for us to stifle that to avoid pain.
I've never really been bothered by OM because pretty early on I did buy into the DR concept of OM being a symptom of our broken marriage rather than the cause of it. If not him it would have been someone else. At least I know this guy enough that I feel I can trust him around my kids, I wouldn't be able to say as much for a stranger. I guess my attitude has been "if she's going to have an OM he is as good an OM as any." That may sound strange, but it really is how I feel. I'm focused on what I can do about me, not on him or W's attitude about him.
Originally Posted By: PatientMan
Did finding out more info - peeling back the mask of the unknown a little - put you at any more ease than before your conversation with your D16?
Mainly I was pleased that D16 opened up so much, I think it was a huge step for her. And not only did she open up, but she was very forthright about how she feels without getting emotional about it. It made me feel that no matter what happens, she's going to be OK and that has been a big concern of mine. I am still concerned for D19 and S10, but this felt like real growth on D16's part.
That said, the content of the discussion didn't change anything for me regarding my perception of W. I've long since quit caring about whether she's having sex or not, the way I see it our M is already dead and she is free to pursue her interests whatever they may be. Do I hope we can reconcile some day? I'm definitely still open to it and I would not hold any sexual activity against her. Neither of us were virgins when we met, but that didn't stop us from falling in love and making a life together. It can happen again.
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Have you ever met anyone from here (this MB)? You're from a heavily populated area so the chances of being near someone are decent. There might even be a DB support/accountability group (if not, not a bad idea).
No, my understanding is that in the "old days" of these boards people could PM each other and often did make arrangements to meet. But that's been disabled and things are quite anonymous now, so I don't think that's really possible anymore except maybe by connecting through FB.
