Holy cow, I purposefully stayed away for most of the day, and I'm overwhelmed by the responses. I do want to respond individually, but wanted to give a quick update. I am speaking off the cuff, because my brain is fried, so please ignore DB rules right now.
W called me. She is (sounds) extremely remorseful. Told me that she was unbelievably messed up in the head. She told me she wants to be with me and no one else ever, and to be married to me, and she's willing to do whatever it takes. She told me the affair was positively only two times, and that she felt absolutely nothing, and they were like 5 minutes - she said she didn't enjoy it at all. She said it was partly revenge, and partly because she wanted to feel SOMETHING, but all it did was make her feel dead, and she knew she had messed up beyond all belief.
It kinda was funny - she said she honestly has never kissed him, because kissing to her is a romantic connection, and she felt nothing for OM. Makes no sense to me when you actually had two quickies. She said she has never had any emotional connection to him, he just a friend who was nice and helped her out a lot.
She again confirmed she was dismissing the divorce, and that she would not refile. She said she would completely end any and all communication with OM, and that she would be willing to give me the passcode to her phone, and her login to her cell account.
I told her I appreciated all that, and her honesty even though I knew it had to be incredibly hard, and I wasn't sure if I could come back from something like this, but I didn't want to make any decisions with all the emotions.
Unfortunately at the end, she told me that she is not going to ever be worth anything again, and that she will never be able to make it up or be good enough. She had to go to work after that.
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I did respond rashly and emotionally yesterday. If this was a year ago, I would've spit in W's face, called her a whore, and never spoken to her again.
But if I'm truly honest about how I feel in this instant, I love her. Deeply. I want to go over, and put my arms around her and tell her she's worth everything, and it'll be OK. I don't understand why I even feel this way myself to be honest.
Is that normal when someone has done something that is such a betrayal?
