I was happy and detached in the car, but on the way home after I dropped her off I got kind of resentful and "woe is me" for W ruining our lives.
Totally normal feelings. We all "cycle" early in our sitches, we can go from feeling pretty good to being a blubbering mess in only minutes. Just try to keep in mind that your W is not doing this to be mean, she probably feels desperate, she is very unhappy and feels this is what she must do to save herself. You and I both know that things could be resolved without resorting to S or D, but she doesn't feel that way right now. I know what I'm asking here is difficult when you're suffering so much yourself, but try to have empathy for what she is going through. Once you come to realize that she too is suffering, hopefully it'll help you have some perspective and not blame her for what is going on. Forgiving her is a big step in your recovery. That forgiveness is an internal thing, you don't even have to tell her, it's more about accepting things yourself and releasing her from blame. I'm not saying you have to forget, I have forgiven my W (in my case I did tell her) but I will never forget, because remembering this is part of what will keep me from backsliding and will keep me on my path of self-growth.
