CC, Please breathe! I know it's a shock. Give yourself some time to allow this shock to wash over you and then let it go. Don't make any decisions for 24-48 hours.
No, you didn't sign up for this journey, but we all know how you feel and what you'll be experiencing. All we do is be here to comfort you and walk w/you as you continue on your own journey.
Please be kind to yourself. Do something special tonight that will help ease the pain a bit. If you have to beat a pillow until the stuffings come out or go into the yard and scream until you can't scream any more...do it.
Just know...we are here for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I've calmed down. Realising this isn't going to be the worst thing he does/says helped. It's going to get much worse before it gets better. I need to detach further. Let it go over my head more.
I tried NC as the kids aren't with me this weekend but he still keeps calling. He "needed" my advice about work. But he already knew what to do and I just affirmed his decision. No advice given.
I need to be here for the friendly chats and try not to take the bad stuff personally. He's ill, mentally ill. Me getting hurt won't help that.
M32 H37 DD1 6 DD2 5 M6 T10 EA 31.08.13 Separated and H moved out 19.09.13 ILYBINILWY 23.09.13 OW 11.13
CC, Your h is like a toddler that wants to walk all on his own and yet, needs to know that mom is in the room watching to ensure he doesn't fall. I think you are handling him and his calls quite well.
You are absolutely correct, you can't take the bad stuff personally because he's just spewing away like a two year old having a melt down.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I tried NC as the kids aren't with me this weekend but he still keeps calling. He "needed" my advice about work. But he already knew what to do and I just affirmed his decision. No advice given.
I need to be here for the friendly chats and try not to take the bad stuff personally. He's ill, mentally ill. Me getting hurt won't help that.
I agree w/ job that you are handling your interactions quite well.
However, you don't always need to take his calls. If you need NC to protect yourself or if you need a break emotionally then I suggest doing so.
Not to be punitive or to manipulate your H in any way.
It took me a long time but I eventually got to a point where I was making decisions based on my needs.
Not to induce or avoid any reaction from my WAW but regardless of any reaction.
Thanks sayitaintso, I worry if I don't take his calls etc that he'll stop confiding in me or go deeper into depression. I'm away this week, so NC may be more realistic. I guess I also worry that by having NC I'm missing the vital moment when he wakes from the fog. Silly really.
I've had a very strange day with him today. In one way he seemed to have more clarity, but in another he seemed more strange. I couldn't put my finger on it at the time but it seemed like it was paranoia. He was sketchy. He was upset that I didn't want to chat, but I did engage with him when necessary, just didn't instigate any conversation. One word answers, he called it. I apologised and said I was just enjoying the peaceful surroundings.....which was true.
He's also had the opportunity to see the children all weekend without me but didn't do it. He only seems to want to see them with me around, which until hes def not suicidal is my preferred choice, but I do find it odd.
He then told me he'd bought me a new car........I don't believe this will ever materialise but thanked him for it. Maybe it wasn't clarity I was seeing but a different stage of delusion I'd never seen before? He had a new car of his own. Says its not his but time will tell. He was telling me of the new clothes he'd bought....all while we have bailiffs at the door.
He was obsessed about saying how old he was, how grey he was, how his body doesn't work, how much younger me and the kids are compared to him. He talked about how the kids accent had changed (they've always had the same accent), how big they were getting etc.
It feels abit like bad days with him before. I'm wondering if I'm the one loosing my mind........ I just didn't recognise the man I met today. I couldn't feel the love I felt for him before. It was like being with a stranger. A stranger I'm very worried about.
On the other hand I met with some friends that had been very concerned about me. They live far away and had only been able to talk on the phone with me thus far. They all thought I'd been putting a brave face on on the phone to them but were very pleasantly surprised that I am in fact doing really well. Yes I have bad days but more good than bad. I'm sleeping better, starting to eat more. Dress my best and im laughing and having fun. One of my closest friends says it the best I've looked and sounded in about 3 years. I was always so stressed before. I'm beginning to enjoy this new life that's been forced on me.
Fun times on the roller coaster.
M32 H37 DD1 6 DD2 5 M6 T10 EA 31.08.13 Separated and H moved out 19.09.13 ILYBINILWY 23.09.13 OW 11.13
I forgot I was going all NC on him and have answered his calls all day. I'll not do that tomorrow and just get the kids to call him before bed.
Yesterday I felt so anxious but today I feel fine.
We did have an awkward exchange about lying. He said he has always lied, to everyone. That he does it because he doesn't want to let people down. That he has always let people down and disappointed everyone. I validated his feelings and used words of affirmation but felt terribly sad for the little boy that was searching for love from his parents. I really hope he seeks help, but I can see that I'm getting better at detachment and did my bit and walked away. He needs to fix himself and his own mess.
M32 H37 DD1 6 DD2 5 M6 T10 EA 31.08.13 Separated and H moved out 19.09.13 ILYBINILWY 23.09.13 OW 11.13
Roller coaster day today. I've turned my phone off so I can't be contacted and I've been out all day enjoying myself, but I feel so emotional. I'm close to tears......just wish moving on was easier.
M32 H37 DD1 6 DD2 5 M6 T10 EA 31.08.13 Separated and H moved out 19.09.13 ILYBINILWY 23.09.13 OW 11.13
there are just these days, eh? turning off your phone was a fantastic idea. Enjoy your day and find even the smallest moments of joy to help interrupt the sad.
Sending you hugs
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
