Since your sister already decided not to answer, I would consider making her send an answer that you dictated, as manipulating and controlling behavior.
If you agree then consider if this is the person you want to be.
F
You're right, I would be doing it to get a reaction from my W. Best not to do it, let my sister decide of her own volition.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
She sure is making things awkward... If your sister decides to respond it should be simple. I don't think it should mention "we are working to forgive you"
Just something that says there is no reason for her to have hate in her heart towards W, that as family she does not get involved in your marriage issues....feel free to keep in contact (if they had a relationship and that's what your sister would want of course)
Hopefully someone will come help you out w/ better wording than I have Hope yournday goes well!
They had a friendship, and that's what the other part of W's message said, to keep in touch if my sister wanted. It's really strange how she wants to stay connected but wants to have nothing to do with me at the same time.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
thought it odd she felt the need to send out messages rather than just unfriend them and be done with it. We did some mindreading together and decided she sounds pretty conflicted
which caught my eye.
This is something I would have done in the past. If i explained what might be perceived by others as rude they would understand and still "like" me. That was very important because my self worth came form what other thought of me.
I don't know if that's your W's thought process but it illustrates the fact that you don't know what her thoughts are and you won't unless she tells you so, give it not meaning at all. If you let yourself create a reason and hold it as the truth, it colors your interaction with her. Let it go, it has no meaning.
Let her do what she needs to do.
That she's conflicted is probably true, most people are.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Still no word from W on when and where she would like to meet up to split accounts.
I am just attempting to mentally and emotionally prepare myself for that meeting. I have no idea what to expect and know I shouldn't have expectations of a positive meeting. I plan to be upbeat, display PMA and validate if/when given the opportunity. I am going to focus on not controlling things, and mostly listening rather than speaking. Two ears, one mouth right?
Patience is something I'm learning throughout this process.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
I have no idea what to expect and know I shouldn't have expectations of a positive meeting.
Most definitely do not expect any R progress, it's far too soon for that. Your sitch isn't even 2 months old yet, this early on your W is still completely done and ready to move on. Think of this meeting purely as a logistical discussion because that's all it is.
Journaling- Spent some time last night moving more of W's stuff into a consolidated location in the garage. Was sort of therapeutic and hard at the same time.
My emotions are more consistent than they have been, I'm thinking the meds are helping even me out.
I have established an individual checking account and ordered my own credit card, I plan to stop using everything that's joint. Unfortunately, I found out both the auto loan and the mortgage are in both of our names. So to remove one party from either will require refinancing.
I won't lie, I'm a bit anxious about meeting up with her. She still hasn't answered my email, but her attorney said she wanted to talk to me, so actions aren't lining up with words.
I'm down to 187 pounds, and a woman at work told me I looked really good. No EA or anything, she's just being nice.
My family and friends have all been really supportive which has been a huge help.
I'm still in IC, AA and working to overcome all my issues. I feel so much better as a person than I did 3 months ago. This was a huge wake-up call for me all around.
I'm still trying to figure out what to do with my life- stay here for awhile to see if she comes out of her fog post-divorce, or move away and restart my own life. She had another long-term relationship that she terminated and walked away and didn't look back, so I'm not thinking that she will change her mind once it's over. She has shown some pretty strong will-power.
Anyway, working today and tomorrow, so hopefully that will keep my mind occupied. Also, been reading the book "How we love" by Yerkovich. Very interesting, I see myself in a lot of the bad love styles. Working to overcome.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
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