S, Thank you for both posts! H believed what he said then and again now.
It is really hard for me to "act" nice to him when he is such a mean, nasty person right now. H said last night I don't know why you care about me and OW? I said you live here, we are married, so is she and it is disrespectful to me. If we were separated and you didn't live here it would be another story.
Oh, God help me to be nice when it is met with such nastiness!! I am really trying to be pleasant and nice to him when he is here. It is just challenging!!!! I know I could just not say anything but I know he responds with kindness. This has been a BIG part of our problem. When he's mad or in a bad mood ( for whatever reason) I get mad too and vise versa. I need to be the one to change it. I need to break that chain.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
It might help if you try to replace "nice" with "courteous." It's easier to be COURTEOUS to someone who is being a jackass than it is to be NICE, and it's probably more appropriate, too.
Try to treat him as you would a platonic roommate.
H said last night I don't know why you care about me and OW? I said you live here, we are married, so is she and it is disrespectful to me. If we were separated and you didn't live here it would be another story.
Now THAT was a great answer.
Next time, add " . . . disrespectful to me, to our marriage, and to our family."
You are so right, courteous is much better tan nice. Especially given the way I feel.
Yes, not just me but our family and marriage! Thank you. Wish me luck
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
H came home today and said he took a full time job with a friends commercial construction. A little back story. H has been studying to be a paramedic firefighter for the last 3 years. He has been very stressed to say the least. He has a medic job although part time. He has applied about 50 times as a ff/medic with no luck. Very hard to get in. H finally got a job and with through all the background garb and was set to start the academy when they called and said the city put a freeze. ugh. H's medic job is planning a strike and he gets very few hours..thus the new job. H couldn't wait to tell me he signed up for all the out of town jobs..Said he couldn't wait to get out of here. I just said okay and left it at that.Wanted to say what about your kids? But held back. I will never understand why they feel the need to remind you they are done everyday. To convince me or them? I know in his head he is done.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
H worked a 24 hour shift so he was gone all day and will be back mid morning. I am trying to do NC when he is gone. It is hard when he is here. I sent H 2 photos of the kids in their costumes. He responded but I never texted back. Not sure if he will notice. H is not the jealous type or type that notices if you don't talk or text him...Only time will tell.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
H came home from work in the morning after his 24hr shift. he called on his way home to see if I submitted a job app for him? He went to do it and said it was submitted already. I said yes because it need to be ASAP and new he couldn't do it in time. He thanked me and said one of the certification is expired. I reread the job announcement and it ad to be turned in by 11/13. I called and scheduled an appt for Sat. He thanked me. This is something I have always done for him. I want him to get a Firefighter job!! I am trying to do a 180 but not sure about this. Should I stop? H came home from the football game with S late last night. Husband came home from football game with son late last night. He was really tired because he didn't get any sleep on his shift. I know he is tired but he is so grouchy. He said he thought he was being nice?? Maybe it has to do with giving up the EA. He was the one who volunteered to do it and said this am I pressured him..I simply said if he wanted to stay here though January he needed to end it. I guess that's pressure? Before this he was still somewhat affectionate, talkative and nice. Now not so much. I guess it is part of all of this. I also made it clear due to the history of telling me now 4 times he has ended it I really don't believe it. But I will try my hardest to believe. I have been trying NC as much as I can. He is just so cold and I have to really bite my tongue and go with it. Not much tongue left!! We are going to my daughters cheer completion today. We'll see?? I will just put on a smile and be happy!!
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
H now says he hates me because he had to give up EA. I said that was the agreement for you to stay in the house. Besides you (H) said you (H) needed to end it anyway because you would never be together. They lived 3 hours away and H was not willing to move there nor was she. OW is also married. H is just nasty and short or ignores me. I know he is grieving and has to go through this....in my mind to bad!!! It is hard for me to believe H would ever get feelings back for me..I need to try though.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
