Hoping for Reconciliation after being Separated...

[jp787]

[quote=chasingpavements]I still wonder about a few things. He seems to be quite worried about this whole process of moving forward. What I take from it is that he is worried that we will move too quickly and end up where back where we started with the same problems.

His counselor is telling him not to rush things, and not to make quick/rash decisions. Something tells me he wants to move back but is holding off due to what his counselor is telling him. I told him it is probably best that we take our time and do the counseling and just ease into things by him slowly moving back.

He tells me he is constantly thinking/worrying about things that are going on with us. He is still at his brother's apartment. He has been trouble sleeping because he is worrying about things. Also, he has a lot more time to think about everything when he is over there, because he is alone and not much is going on. It makes me wonder if he is worried about making the right decision. Hopefully the better things are between us the less worries and doubts he will have. My DB coach told me to just re-enforce positively with him that we can be fixed.

I am a little confused by all of this. Am I doing the right things? I think you are on track. As your DB coach said, re-enforce positively with him that it can be fixed, but… Don’t fix it  Be there to listen and validate. I know I constantly look/say things for reassurance from my W and it is a form of anxiety for me. I have anxiety and look to her for reassurance. The thing is if she gives it to me all the time, it feeds my need for it, maybe this isn’t something you and your H do. It gives my W the impression that I am not sure, but for me it is a way of getting the reassurance I crave, from her which is not healthy.