Building a lasting marriage 1

[jp787]

Hey you. Ok, I see you posting on other's threads and I think to myself, man, he says some good stuff.

But then I come here and I read you saying the same things you have been saying for a long, long time.

So, what gives, J?

Come on now, you gotta dig deep here.

I almost feel like you just dont want to work too hard. Easier to just say, oh well, I self sabotage. Oh well, I think only of myself.

You have to do the work, J, if you want to have a life fulfilled.

I mean, you can just keep on going the way you are, but, what does that get you? More of the same.

So, let's go. Take off your gloves and start digging.

I'll get you started.

Why do you think you only think of yourself? How does that serve you? I think I get my needs met by being selfish, it gives me a sense of control.

What are you afraid of? What am I not afraid of… Success, getting hurt, work.

What havent you faced? Something, several things… I honestly feel like I am blind to seeing what I am afraid of, of what I fear. My W came back from therapy and said I got to visit her in kindergarten, during her therapy session.

She was doing EMDR and was talking about how she felt empty, worthless when I rejected her. Her therapist said go back to when you first felt that feeling, she said kindergarten/ first grade. Then she said when was a time before that when you felt safe, worthy. She said in kindergarten, she talked about how a teacher did and said something. So in her head she went back there and took me with her, then faced the fear with me and dealt with it. Well W said it better than I have, but the point I try to make is she can jump to a memory, a time and place and when it happened, what was said and close her eyes and see it replay like watching a movie. Me, Sh1t I sit there with my mouth hanging open thinking I have a hard time pulling out how I am feeling in the here and now, let alone remembering anything. Just wish I could do that too.

Get to gettin.