Nice day yesterday.. we spend the day together as a family. Then after the kids were in bed we made a dinner of Pad Thai from scratch. When we were eating dinner he mentioned something his therapist had told him about sitting across from each other at the dinner table is a good way to feel more connected to a romantic partner, with body language. So he moved and sat across from me! haha. A little gesture but it made me feel special. Now whenever I see him sitting there I can't help but smile a little
When I look back over all that has happened in a year, it is crazy to me how different things are. We went from being distant/resentful to each other, to having the NILILWY BD, then doing counseling, and then 'limbo' where H was very distant, moody, and silent, to separating, and now reconciling.
It still doesn't make such sense to me. How can he go through so many changes over the course of a year?? I have sat back and watched it all. I am hoping that our life will gradually become more regulated and we will find a good balance.
The weekend was great. He is reaching out to me now, like he used to do when we first started dating. In fact, it feels the same way as it did back then, with excitement and nervousness.
I feel like we connected over the weekend, and I saw a more vulnerable side of him that he often doesn't share with me. Also, since having our talk about reconciling, I feel more safe in sharing details of my life with him without being judged or undermined. I guess we are both reaching out to each other now, and feel more safe in doing so.
I would like to just take a blind leap of faith, but I am still somewhat reserved, due to the craziness of the past year. Baby steps for now, marathon not a sprint!
Thanks DB buddies! -cp
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
Thanks NQ! Things seem to be going well between us, and the dynamic seems different. He seems more at ease and happier overall. He also seems more interested and attracted to me and is wanting to spend more time together. I think we are moving in the right direction.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
I still wonder about a few things. He seems to be quite worried about this whole process of moving forward. What I take from it is that he is worried that we will move too quickly and end up where back where we started with the same problems.
His counselor is telling him not to rush things, and not to make quick/rash decisions. Something tells me he wants to move back but is holding off due to what his counselor is telling him. I told him it is probably best that we take our time and do the counseling and just ease into things by him slowly moving back.
He tells me he is constantly thinking/worrying about things that are going on with us. He is still at his brother's apartment. He has been trouble sleeping because he is worrying about things. Also, he has a lot more time to think about everything when he is over there, because he is alone and not much is going on. It makes me wonder if he is worried about making the right decision. Hopefully the better things are between us the less worries and doubts he will have. My DB coach told me to just re-enforce positively with him that we can be fixed.
I am a little confused by all of this. Am I doing the right things?
-cp
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
Not sure where to post this, so I opted for here, forgive me if I'm in the wrong place.
Yesterday evening H stopped by to get paperwork for biz. I was walking out to garage and he grabbed me and hugged me. Asked me if I wanted him back? I just looked at him, didn't really know how to respond since he caught me off guard. He said I understand if you don't or if you want to take it slow. I reiterated the fact that in order for me to even begin healing, he has to do the NC with OW in front of me. He said, I know, and then left.
Funny a week ago, I would have jumped on that opportunity, and for some reason, I did not feel the need to give him a answer so quickly. He left to go to our beach house and texted and called all evening. I am the first to end conversation, especially since there is an awkward silence.
I really don't know where to go from here. He wants to do dinner tonight, I didn't give him a answer yet.
On a good note, I got flowers yesterday from "A friend Who Loves Me". Have no clue who sent them, but it sure was a nice surprise.
Me-49, H-45 M - 4, Together 9 SS-9 Bomb Dropped - 9/12 Separation - 10/12 Reconcile -2/13 Separation - 8/2013 Reconcile - 10/2013 Separation - 12/2013 Reconcile - 2/14 Separate - 5/14 H Filed D - 8/14
Hi Tina, yes you can go to the Newcomers Section and click on New Topic to start your own thread. Be sure to give some background information in your post so others will have an idea where you are in your situation. You can also list some of your 180's, goals, GAl activities, etc. I will pop over after to check it out!
-cp
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
Labug, thanks for stopping by. I see you are piecing, and I just checked out your thread that you are now dating, that's great! For now with me and my H it kind of feels the same way that we are dating. He is coming by in the evenings to visit the children and I and puts them to bed and we hang out. He has not moved back in yet. Perhaps my next move would be to get a babysitter so we can actually go out! lol. It's hard with children.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
I was at a party in a huge building with lots of high school friends around. H was hanging around with his friends and I was looking for him, to tell him something important. Every time I found him he would actually disappear. And I would keep looking for him. I was asking everyone where he went to. Finally, I pinned him down. I starting ranting to him about getting back together. He then disappeared again. Then I was sitting at a table with some old high school friends. H came up to me and sat down. He told me that he doesn't want a list of all the things we did wrong but wanted a list of how to re-build things. I then said, ok, and felt a sense of relief. Then in the dream I was thinking about my notes that I had stashed away about re-building, and worrying that I had lost the notes.
Oh boy! Funny how the subconscious works. I have had some strange dreams. I'm guessing this dream meant that I should stop pursuing him and let him come to me.
I also had a dream, one week before he told me he no longer loved me, that he came to me and told me he wanted a divorce. I woke up thinking what a strange dream, of course he doesn't! I had this dream before I even knew anything was going on. My subconscious must have known something was up.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
