No, you don't necessarily need to tell him to leave, but you DO need to decide what it is you want, and what boundaries you need to have in place in order to be emotionally healthy.
Let me start with this, as I want you to begin to change the way you think about this: you say "It's my fault, because I don't want him to leave." OK, fine -- very few of us did. But does that equate to "I don't don't him to leave, no matter what" ??? What if he were using illegal drugs in the house, in front of your children? What if he were ABUSING your children?
OK, I know he's not doing those things, but I assume that you would NOT be okay with either of those two extremes. That's because you have a "boundary of personal integrity" in place in your own heart, of "I don't want him to leave, so long as he's not using illegal drugs in front of the children or abusing them in any way."
And that's good -- that's healthy.
What I want you to try to do is, ask yourself "What ELSE should be on that list?"
You need to come up with a healthier set of boundaries as it relates to how YOU are willing to live with your husband, and what you -- Mamabear! -- will allow around your children.
I'm going to write a separate post to you about boundaries from another women who used to post here, that is just about the best way of putting it I've ever seen.
