Please don't let it consume you. I made the mistake of letting OM thoughts consume me and cloud my actions for quite a while. I wanted to know everything. It will all come out in due time, but you cannot control it at this point. You must just put it aside and set your boundaries that you are willing to stick to.
I know how hard it is to not think about it, but you have to realize that it isn't about you. She would be doing this anyway. Wisdom that I have gained from other veterans here. She is hurting and lost. OM is a crutch as someone else mentioned. Its her way of trying to cope with all the crap that's going on in her head. Confusion, anger, etc.
OM is not the man that you are and she doesn't really want him. My W has told me numerous times that she doesn't want another man and that there is nothing that OM gives her that I cannot. Yet she continues to have regular contact with him. Its a crutch. A coping mechanism. I believe that even when they realize they don't need OM, they fell like they cannot let go because they would have to really deal with what is going on. Once they release OM from the picture and go cold turkey, they will have to own up to their actions and move on.
It's always easier for them to continue to act childish and selfish than it is to put on big boy/big girl pants and be an adult.
Hope you have a better day today! Take care of yourself! Don't let her reckless actions destroy you.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
