I believe in myself, family, and my kids. My greatest motivation at this point is that I cannot abandon my boys. I need them. I may be able to reach a point where I can honestly say that I want W, but I don't need her. I can tell you with 100% certainty that I need my children. They are my legacy to this world and I have no intentions of abandoning them to her selfishness and destructive behavior. S12 is o the cusp of learning how to be a man and I definitely need to be there to show him the way. It's my job to pick him up when he falls and pat him on the back when he succeeds. Being a teenager is tough.
My boys have become the great bargaining chip for W as well. Any time she goes on a tirade and spews at me, she reminds me that the boys would stay with her and if I make her leave she would take them. She takes the opportunity to remind me that she has been the one to take them to school and the doctor and taken care of them. She conveniently forgets that I have taken lots of days off for the same reasons. She knows I'll not leave my boys and has become upset that they enjoy being around me as I have dedicated more time to them.
I am smart enough to know the system as well. If I were to initiate separation, the chance of my children coming with me would be very small. Mothers are always given preferential treatment by the courts no matter what their actions are.
Don't get me wrong, I still care very deeply for W. I love the person she was and I have great hope for the beautiful person that she can be. I, however, cannot stand the person that she is right now. Day by day detachment becomes easier.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
