Me 1 year on pt2.

[hotwheelsaust]

Thanks for input BrightFuture.

[hotwheelsaust]

Rant time, so no need to tell me what to do or 2 x4's. :-)

Because I am in accommodation through work, when the WAS walked out, I was given another flatmate within 2 weeks of her going. This flatmate is simple an arrogant ****ole. People who have previously had him sharing have all said the same things, no one wants to share with him.
Over the last year, I have constantly been told what I am doing wrong. From how to clean (which he only does his room), to spending too much time on the computer, to not going out enough, to how long I practice or don't practice the guitar. He spends all his time at the house, in his room, apart from cooking time. Since all my W's and I belongings were in the house, my computer is out in the loungeroom along with the tv etc. So I spend a lot of my time in the main room that he would walk past all the time.
Today he told me, I am not angry, but you will need to leave the next day after school finishes. I do not want you staying here any longer as I want to enjoy my summer vacation time.
I have been friendly as possible to him, said hello whenever we see each other and all I got back was a mmmph. Unless he decided he wanted to talk about something, then I couldn't shut him up for hours.
He complains that I need to clean the garage, bathroom and vaccuum the floors. I have done that regularly, but certainly don't see him doing any of it, apart from his own room.
Anyway, the end of the story is, while this has played a huge part on my emotional side during the last year of being separated. It has also opened my eyes to seeing how the W may have viewed me as being. While I didn't complain about her cleaning or doing things, just the attitude that the flatmate has, is probably what I was like.
So, my focus has been on not being like this person ever again.

ps: I know I could discuss terms of sharing etc. But the reality is I only have 6 weeks and 2 days to go. It is and will be easy to just deal with his whinging and complaining every so often when it happens.

Rant over.

[TryingToDo180]

Hwa, this is the only part that I don't understand in that post

Today he told me, I am not angry, but you will need to leave the next day after school finishes. I do not want you staying here any longer as I want to enjoy my summer vacation time.

Is he kicking you out or are you kicking him out or are you just thinking about it?

Anyway, here's my take on what you have just said.
Did your W at anytime complain the way that your flatmate complains or do you remember complaining to your W as often as your flatmate does? You can't change the past though, you can only change your future.
If I get told what to do then I just dig my heels in further and don't do it. I've found this with H over the years as well. If I just left him to his own devices then eventually he'll do it.
Also if you've got depression then you won't feel like doing a lot of things. I find that if I'm really low then all I want to do is curl up on the sofa watching TV or going on my PC.
I agree with you, your flatmate is being an a****ole. He's got no right to boss you around like that! I used to share with a girl who was like that as well, she got on my nerves and I found myself digging my heels in with her as well.
My main 180 that I wanted to work on was to keep this house tidier and clean it more. So far this doesn't happen and H comes round and has a moan about the state of the place. Yes you've guessed it, I don't want to do it then! lol.
One day though I'll surprise him and he'll come round and the place will be spotless I'm gradually getting there, but as I always say - Rome wasn't built in a day!
We must remember as well that we're not doing these changes for our spouse, but for ourselves. I'm reading this book at the mo called "the ministry of a messy house". It's very good if you lie Christian books It's only a short book to read as well and an easy read.
No 2x4s from me You could say I've been there, done that, got the t-shirt, lol.
oops sorry I've just re-read this bit

Rant time, so no need to tell me what to do or 2 x4's. :-)

Sorry if I've been telling you what to do Just wanted to add my 2 cents worth Well you must know me by now that you can't shut me up, lol.

[hotwheelsaust]

TTD180. The people who are transferring finish on the 13th Dec and need to vacate by the 16th Dec. So no he isn't kicking me out as per se. His view was don't bother staying here to clean the place up and wait for the carpet cleaners to arrive on Monday the 16th. Clean the place up before the furniture gets picked up and he can be there for the carpet cleaners. So if it was coming from a nice person it would be "don't bother staying longer than you need to for the carpet cleaners". Coming from him it was like "p**s off as quickly as possible".
My W never complained at all, another fantasy that all was good. My biggest complaint about my whinging was asking the family has everyone finished eating, as I would then do the dishes. Five minutes after washing up the W would always make something. It was just one of those things that always annoyed me. I did always say it nicely, I always asked if everyone has finished eating before I washed up. But like clockwork, more dirty dishes. I cannot think of any other things that I complained about, but ask my W and I am sure you will hear a whole list of them. I never expected the house to be clean, the clothes to be washed, or new bedsheets each week. Didn't expect the dinner to be ready at a certain time.
I did have depression, it doesn't affect me since the BD. I don't do much, because simply there is very little on offer in this town, very little I want to be part of here. Not to mention that the temperature for most of the year is in the mid 30's and low 40's most days. You simply don't want to go out and do things, including being in the water. It is just too hot, even for that.
That is why I had my little rant, because these changes are for me. The old hotwheelsaust would have ranted and raved to everyone else, would have kept the anger in my mind and heart for days. The new hotwheelsaust just brushed it off, who cares about the bloke. I don't think of him as a friend, I don't want to be friends with him. I was simply told he is now sharing the house with me. In all honesty, I want to get out of the house asap, and out of this town asap. So if I don't have to stay in the house waiting for the carpet cleaners till Monday, then u beauty I am out of here.

ps: The house isn't messy anyway. Shoes are taken off at the door, I wash up every morning and night. Dirty clothes are put in a laundry basket each night. I clean up any mess after cooking. But I won't sweep out a garage every weekend, because the leaves blow through the open sides.

[TryingToDo180]

I'll just pick up on one thing if you don't mind It's easy to say this is what you should have done, but the past should be left where it is - in the past
When you say about the dishes, it sounds to me like you rushed to get the washing up done and out of the way. Your W creating more mess for you just wound you up and understandably so. Just chill about it more, leave it a while and then do it when everyone has settled down for the evening. You probably wound your W up as well by jumping up after a meal and doing things straight away. This used to wind me up about my H as this is what he did as well.
Anyway, like I said, it's in the past and that's where it stays Put it to the back of your brain now and dig it out when you need to Have you tried a 180 on your flatmate? lol.

[hotwheelsaust]

TTD180, it is in the past. With regards to the dishes, I would wash up 1 or 2 hours after having dinner. Getting close to bed time is when I would wash up, not 5 minutes after dinner was done.
The 180's on the flatmate would be negatives, and I don't want to go there.

[TryingToDo180]

Oh well, you've not got long to go before you move If I've not got any Christmas shopping done by the time you do move, I'll be panicking, lol.

[hotwheelsaust]

Please send your best wishes on my way folks.
This weekend will be my sons 21st birthday. I fly down to the city to be part of it. I finally found out last night that the W will be there (facebook list of who is coming).
This is going to be very hard. This is the first time I have seen the W for about 4 months, either face to face or even talking/texting. It will be the first time I have seen/talked to her family for about 6 months. And the first time I have see/talked to my best friend who defriended me on Facebook.

I know the DB principles I need to apply: friendly neighbour approach. I know I shouldn't talk about the marriage, the wife, or any of this situation. I know I should simply say hello to these people, a quick how are you, thanks for coming to the party, then move onto other people who won't be an issue.

While the mind will be doing this, I am scared that the heart will act differently. While mentally I am great without seeing the wife or family, I have no experience off putting this mental strategy practice to use face to face.

So let me go to this party tomorrow night, with the whole of the DB crew supporting me during this tough time. Thanks all.

[GALbaby]

Of course, it is tough, but you will do great. Remember though, you are not a performing monkey for your W or her family, so be natural, let your new self shine through and don't forget to enjoy yourself. You are there to share in your son's big event. It will be a happy time and a wonderful memory, keep telling yourself that.

BTW my D will be 21 on the 11th. Take care.

[TryingToDo180]

Sending my best wishes down under Don't worry, you'll be great Just keep telling yourself that