Sounds like it was a good night FY. So glad for you!
Keep up the great work
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
So excited to read this today FY. I would give anything for a night like that and especially a genuine hug initiated by W. Praying for you and hoping the fog is clearing for her. Enjoy your day!
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
Weekly update time. Thank you to everyone who posted their excitement and well wishes regarding W's B-day. The support and encouragement here is truly amazing.
I hired a new employee at my work and he is doing great! Makes me look like I know what I'm doing.
Human resources approached me and wants me to start my TKD class at the beginning of the new year! Running this class last spring REALLY helped me a lot, and everyone loved it.
I had my second session with an IC. Seemed helpful but I'm still not sold. Will think about this for a bit. It's not like I dying over here or anything.
I'm halfway through the online "Navigating Divorce" course. It's cool because it's all about working on ourselves... very similar to DB. The instructor knows I intend to stand as long as I can, and is very impressed with my attitude and the compassion I have for my W. I told her I have to give all you fine folks at DB much credit for where I'm at!
W seems like she is continuing to slowly warm up to me. Seems happier, gives me more eye contact. More "Hello's" and "Hi's", in place of the quietly mumbled "Hay" that had become more common. She continues to tell me where she is going, and gives me updates on her nights out, either when she gets home or the next day. This is always done in a way that I can tell is genuine.
Then, seemingly out of the blue a few nights ago, we had the following conversation:
W: Did you hear Charlie Trotter died today? M: No, how old was he? W: 54. I thought he was healthy too. M: Yeah, 54 is pretty young to die. W: I can only hope I check out before I'm 54. (!) M: Not me! W: First chance I get, I'm checking out of here. M: That's sad.
W left the room as she said this, so that was the end of the conversation.
A few minutes later, she returned and acted like her new normal self. Was telling me about her new facebook picture, (our dog) and other regular stuff.
Tonight she stayed home and was reading a book on her iPad. Something helpful, I suspect. Later we watched a late night comedy show and both were laughing.
This weekend we will be working on making over our home office, making some investment changes, and planning the T-day dinner we'll be hosting at our home for my family. Let the coaster roll!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
When I read your W's comments about "checking out" before she's 54, it kinda reminded me of my teenage students, ya know?
More than once, I've had students say, "I'm going to die young." or "I hope I die before I'm 30...I don't want to be *old*."
Anyway, I doubt that it's helpful to you, but it just struck me as something a teen would say...possible MLC stuff where they act like a teen...rebellious, etc?
Sounds like you are rocking right along...good for you! Lots of positive stuff going on in your life.
Hi team! Long time no updates. I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving day. We did... for the most part.
As posted earlier, W agreed to host my family for dinner at our house. It was a lot of work, and things were a little tense here and there, but we worked well together and put on a great dinner and had a good time. When the meal was done our nephew put on a music show for everyone.
I gave W a side hug, and with a feeling of relief she said "I did it". I said yes, you did, and everything turned out great. She is very hard on herself and had earlier made mention of a few details she wasn't satisfied with.
The guys went in the basement and played ping pong, foosball and darts.
At dinner my first sister announced that she was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. She was in great spirits and said it was likely still in stage 1. We all offered her words of support.
After everyone went home, and W and I were cleaning up, we started to discuss sisters situation. W said if it were her diagnosed with cancer, she would not seek any treatment, "because she has no kids and no reason to stick around." (in life) I asked "Did you ever consider that I would miss you?" and she replied "yeah, but you'd get over it".
She went on to say that she doesn't even want to go for screenings anymore... she'd rather not know and just die if that's what's "supposed to happen".
I pressed her a bit because I felt like it, and because I don't believe we have to always STFU.
M- "What about our pets? Don't you even want to stick around for them?"
W- "I already figured they'll check out before me, so it doesn't matter."
There was more, but basically it was her depression speaking... with a mini bomb drop of me realizing where she's still at with me.
So, since I was already wondering if I should give up on our M, this of course has me questioning my standing even more.
I'm not sure yet how I will proceed, but I'm not going to STFU, and it seems something has to give eventually.
I'm thinking my "something new" may be to ask W if she thinks it's normal for people to not care whether they check out of life, or feel like they have little reason to live. I'm hoping this might encourage her to seek help.
Advice or comments are welcome.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
FY, I think your wife's comments about your sister's cancer can be taken another way. Please keep in mind that these are your wife's thoughts/comments as of right now and we do not know how she will feel in months to come. Your wife may be looking at the entire picture a bit differently than you. She most likely is thinking about all of the worry, testing, surgery (if needed), chemo, etc. It not only takes a toll on the patient, but on the family as well. Her comments give me the feeling that she doesn't want to have to worry about a diagnosis such as this and she would be better off not knowing and living her life to the fullest to the end. I can understand how she feels about it because I've seen so many go thru the cancer diagnosis, chemo, etc., and what it does to not only the patient, but the family as well.
If she truly feels this way about herself, her body and her life, then she may not change her mind even if she sort professional help. The best approach is to casually ask her why she feels the way she does and see what she has to say.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
How good that must feel. And a REAL hug! How lovely. (not the one-armed, don't get to close thing, lol).
Nice work.
A can of worms? 
