I won't give up II

[Notlikingthis]

Thank you all for the replies. I've taken a giant step back and thought about his recent behavior and his behavior in general over the past year. His attitude of "no one is going to tell me what I can or can't do" has gone beyond that now. It's effecting more than just me and he does need to see and feel the consequences. Is it time to tell him that until ow is gone that I want no further contact with him? Or have no further contact without the conversation? Or something in between.

Today he took the car to have it assessed. I told him that 1/2 of the value would be mine should he decide to sell it. It wasn't a good conversation after that. I dug my heels in and told him that I wouldn't stand by allowing him to sell things that are joint property without taking my share of the proceeds. He tried every mlc trick that he could think of and I didn't back down. I ended the call but less than an hour later he called back. I didn't called him back but his message indicated that he wanted to talk about why he is selling the car.

He's still obsessed with what to do about the situation with our daughter. I know that after talking with her that she doesn't have a clue as to what he's doing and assumes that the woman was a friend our OURS. Whether he ends up telling her is his decision. I can't force him to tell her but I did tell him that WHEN he does, I want to be there.

Bea,

As for black and white thinking - some things are that simple and adultery is just plain wrong. To pretend otherwise is foolish

He and I had the conversation about adultery several times when this first started his "journey". In our conversation just before he bought the house, I brought it up again and hit a brick wall once again. He knows how I feel but you're right. Because I haven't given him an ultimatum, continue to talk to him and haven't filed for d, he has interpreted that as my acceptance of his behavior. I wasn't sure what to do then and even now after dbing I still not sure that giving the ultimatum is going to get the results that I want. I want this to end now and if possible, not in D. I know that D isn't then end of the world but it's an ugly mess that I'm not willing to initiate.

With an mlcer we've advised to ignore the ow and the affair. Flaunting it around town is not a boundary that I can set, or can I? They are both acting like out of control teenagers for certain but what to do about it, idk.

Why would being angry be sooo bad? Clearly you are not an angry person, and this might be a good 180. I agree with all of the posters above.

I do it so rarely that it would be an effective 180. I have a lot of pent up emotions and I know it would be a longer conversation/rant than about the affair, the car and most importantly, my daughter. I would have to read a script otherwise it most likely would be an out of control blasting.

I'm almost as confused now as I was when I came here. It's possible that I've missed something with regard to dbing. I've pulled out the book and am reading it tonight.

Thanks again to everyone for weighing in, I truly need this right now.