I don't think you messed anything up. If anything you may have forced some much needed movement. I'd see this as your opportunity to take a stand... whatever that may be for you.
If I were you, I might consider contacting RT one more time. To apologize for blowing up at her. Tell her that your H is more than free to join her under the stars if that is what he wants. Then end the conversation and say goodbye.
Why apologize? Because then it makes you the better person that you truly are. Why tell her H is feel to go? Because he is, and we all know he ain't goin' nowhere! (but don't tell her that!)
You may even want to apologize to H, (separately) and then hint that maybe it's time he makes up his mind here.
I certainly don't know what's best for you, just throwin' my thought out there. Whatever you do, be strong.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
