Suckerpunch (the process)

[25yearsmlc]

THANK GOD SOMEONE GETS THIS! Thank you Ad.

b/c I figured I must not be saying it clearly.

Your w, Sp, knows nothing of your personal work

b/c 1) it does not show to her much and

2) you measure HERS so often, that she probably spends more energy defending herself than noticing anything you might be doing.

It's a TOTAL waste of time staring at your partners faults when the only one you control is you. I stand by that. Does that mean you are a piece of dirt? Of course not.

But constantly inserting something about HER FLAWS right after admitting some of your own, IS measuring AND worse, it's a great way to deflect from your own work. And that is your job. Not hers, not your family's, but yours.

Your life, your work - to become the best person YOU can.

I think it's not meant to cause you to beat yourself down with blame. It's always meant to me hope rather than guilt. Because if I have found things in this that are my responsibility then I can work on them and have a better life ahead. It is a complete waste of time to sit and consider what my H needs to change, or what Suckerpunch's wife needs to change, those things are not in our control.

It feels good to be able to say it's their fault too, or even mostly their fault, or the old standby it was both our fault but more so theirs because they're the ones who "chose" to leave. But that good feeling is fleeting. The good feeling that comes from owning your own stuff and working on it, is permanent. And way more attractive.

Thank YOU!!