Thank you all for your posts and ideas. I feel a bit overwhelmed with all this exhortation just now - need to keep the plan somewhat simple, if possible.
Main points: determine and maintain boundaries, and become who I want to be.
I am doing some of the NUTS stuff, but not consistently: e.g. I still don't play my instrument at home because W criticized this before, but I do go out now, with friends, to play, definitely something new. I am going to lunch tomorrow to meet a new possible guy friend, without asking, taking the car to get there, but when I said this weekend that I was going to get it washed, W pointed out that it was not so dirty and so this was environmentally and financially wasteful (we try to be environmentally conscious), and I was dissuaded.
I have problems with the idea of leading. What important things do you all decide/lead for your families? Isn't 'leading' really more of a negotiation or persuading rather than a commanding the other(s)?
It seems illusory to lead my W.
I will spend 3+ weeks in the States again, including Thanksgiving at BIL's. There is more friendliness at MIL's than there is here, though time spent with d15 is infinitely precious.
I am booking flights for son and I to spend a week together after Christmas, without the women. We had fun, just the two of us, last year, without complications.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
