Time for a new thread. A new thread to go with what I hope will be my new, stronger, older self. It's time to start detaching better, letting H go better. Not exactly moving on, but moving forward.
Who said that?
BeHER.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
Oh, my dear Rosa. Take a deep breath first. Don’t beat yourself up. You had lots of patience with this man and what he’s been doing. But even a saint would not be able to hold on to all these emotions for this long.
Be a strong, confident woman. Who knows, he might interpret your behavior like “the strength” he likes some much in RT. I’m sure they are going to argue about who said what and why.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Gotta stop laughing so hard here!! I'd say "OMG, didn't our very own sweet Linda blow a gasket here... finally??!!" Attagirl! IT sure feels good to get those icky feelings out of your system and show how angry you are with this whole sitch. You do have every perfect right to be angry and that's okay.
The only advice I have is NOT to email or have any further contact with RT....ever! You don't want to be known as that "crazy, banshee W" to them and have it as a unifying force for them. You've done your part and now all you need to do right now is to flick RT away as if she's an annoying gnat.
You're an awesome person and friend!! Don't you ever forget this. (((Linda)))
I'd say the Russian Tramp and the besotted middle-aged guy are a bit idiotic--Isn't he the one who spent $500 to stay and spackle in a Russian dump???
Don't beat yourself up. You're angry, you have every right to be angry.
Man, if only all the wronged spouses on the board could come together and just attack one OW!!! I know! Let's become a sorta vigilante group. We can develop our muscles like Linda Hamilton in Terminator and go into the darkness to take out cheating husbands/wives and their slutbag philanderers.
Take it easy. Calm down Just stay away from her.
I think RT's new name should be "Annoying Gnat." RTAG.
Much Love.
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I don't think you messed anything up. If anything you may have forced some much needed movement. I'd see this as your opportunity to take a stand... whatever that may be for you.
If I were you, I might consider contacting RT one more time. To apologize for blowing up at her. Tell her that your H is more than free to join her under the stars if that is what he wants. Then end the conversation and say goodbye.
Why apologize? Because then it makes you the better person that you truly are. Why tell her H is feel to go? Because he is, and we all know he ain't goin' nowhere! (but don't tell her that!)
You may even want to apologize to H, (separately) and then hint that maybe it's time he makes up his mind here.
I certainly don't know what's best for you, just throwin' my thought out there. Whatever you do, be strong.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
My first instinct is to simply avoid contact with her in the future, although I totally understand the urge to write to her and straighten her out on a few things (like the fact that you never cheated on your H, that she can't get a green card, and that he has no money).
You are assuming, though, that she is a thoughtful and reasonable person, and the evidence so far does not support that.
On the other hand - it really does seem unreasonable to have your H in your home conversing with RT in front of you. It might be time to ask him to move out.
I think that you will probably feel much better in yourself for letting all that frustration and anger out. I did. It's just that I left it all in the C office rather than spray paint his car and send the very caustic e-mail I had written.
Your H will probably forget it like the earlier convo re RT that he can't remember. As for her - she doesn't deserve your thoughts or attention. Forget it.
Move on, as the amazing women you are - and that any man would be stupid to leave...
You know what, Rosa, it's nice to see you have that in you. LOL!
My friend, while the advice here is to not do anything to help end an affair, I dont think you messed anything up. Look, you reacted to something very upsetting. It happens.
I do not think you should contact her or apologize to her (sorry, FY), because she is not worthy of it. If you do, it gives her importance, of which she has none.
So, dust yourself off and get back on your path with your head held high. I think you should walk around with a different mindset. Like, yea, that's right, back the heck way up cuz I am Rosa.
Now leave this all to settle in. And then pull up a chair with some wine and popcorn.
If I were you, I might consider contacting RT one more time. To apologize for blowing up at her. Tell her that your H is more than free to join her under the stars if that is what he wants. Then end the conversation and say goodbye.
Why apologize? Because then it makes you the better person that you truly are. Why tell her H is feel to go? Because he is, and we all know he ain't goin' nowhere! (but don't tell her that!)
You may even want to apologize to H, (separately) and then hint that maybe it's time he makes up his mind here.
Why would you ever apologize to the OW/OM??! S/he is not in the marriage. Don't even dignify or acknowledge her presence much LESS apologizing to her!!! She is a homewrecker who knowingly engages in H in their Skype sessions with the full knowledge that he's a married man and even encouraging him to divorce you. And even had him fly more than 3,000 miles to spackle her kitchen...yeah, yeah...right!!! How crazy is that??!!
IT sure feels good to get those icky feelings out of your system and show how angry you are with this whole sitch. You do have every perfect right to be angry and that's okay. 
Don't you ever forget this. (((Linda)))
