PS and GTO, thank you so much for posting, and for your kind words!!
Joe and I talked yesterday, and I expressed my feelings about what happened with my MIL and her email to basically say, “good bye because I’m now supporting the OW.” He told me it had been his request, and that he did it after the woman asked for it repeatedly. He said, “I had no option. Well, I guess the option was to end the R.” I told him if the R had ended because of FB, there was no R. He said he tried to ignore this woman’s requests but she continued insisting and threatened to leave. It seems she went w him to the family reunion they had back in July (they booked the trip at the last minute when they found out about her pregnancy) and “it was a disaster” he said. The woman complained about my MIL the entire time, and she felt the family didn’t welcome her—the fact that he had been seeing her for only 4 months back then and that she was already pregnant didn’t help matters, but I didn’t say this. He said his mom didn’t want to do the FB/ NC thing but she felt obligated because he told her that his R would end if she didn’t do it. Once she did it, she told Joe she felt terrible and that she had done something wrong… The woman told Joe he has to have a discussion with his mother about her supposedly controlling behavior (which isn’t true—my MIL isn’t controlling) and that he needs professional help to deal with his anger. Yup. This woman is exactly what Joe didn’t want—someone to tell him what to do and when to do it. He complained she never “pampers him” which I did so much you wouldn’t believe it. Joe told me that he now appreciates how I always had loving gestures toward him and would give him a massage just because, but this woman says no to everything. He still does about 80% of the housework. He admitted this R is a lot harder than our M but then he said, “all R’s are hard.” I remember him complaining that our R wasn’t easy and that M “should be easy or isn’t meant to be.” Well, look what he’s gotten into. I asked him how it felt to be so controlled. He was quiet, then said he didn’t have to answer that question. I then said what I needed: 1. Respect. 2. No spreading negative messages to other members of the family. 3. Telling his mom that I don’t harbor resentments and will not reject her if she decides to reach out. He offered to conference in his mom but I said he needed to have that conversation in private. So that was it. Joe is in for a long ride that doesn’t seem to be that much fun at all…but this is the result of his actions. There is a third party who hasn't even been born yet, which is sad.
Me? I learned that expressing my feelings and asking for action is essential, and I also learned that Joe leaving me was a true blessing…
