W sent me a big long email about my boundaries. She said that she finally did what I wanted and agreed to try and work on our relationship, and now I was throwing it back in her face. She said she did nothing wrong and had nothing to hide, and was not in a relationship. She said I was trying to make her look like the bad guy, and she guessed as long as she was with me that was the role she was destined to play.
I didn't send this back, but my immediate thought was, "Oh boo-hoo, look who got caught, and is now trying to passive-aggressive the situation!" But that wasn't very nice, so I simply sent back "Another boundary is that I won't argue over email. Obviously, you have concerns, so you're welcome to call me. The boundaries stand. Have a nice day."
No communication after that.
Journaling today: I woke up this morning in the best mood. This whole time I have been trying to justify W - make excuses for her, believe in the 'best' in her, that she was just having a rough time - trying to love unconditionally. Even when I was furious at her, I'd end up feeling bad and caving and trying to poo-poo her, and it was like a massive separation/detachment happened Sunday. I'm not saying I hate her now, or that I don't care for her, but I feel like I'm looking around and the world has come into focus.
I think the justification is part of the reason for my personal roller-coaster, I would work so hard to explain away her actions, and then something else would happen that would pull my illusions crashing down. @labug and the drama triangle!
Again, I'm a looooong way from perfect - this isn't meant to dump all the problems on W. But it's unreal how clearly I'm seeing myself right now as well as the bigger picture. I'm excited for what the next couple of weeks are going to bring as I begin to shift the focus to myself!
