NTX - he was in pajama pants and flip flops with a coat on, but quite honestly, W has described him as a bit of a slob, so he may just be one of those people that goes to Walmart like that. Based on what some mutual friends have described of him, that rings true to me. I really don't know or care and am not going to spend any more time thinking about him. W knows the rule about him, and that's all I care about.
Yeah, I sacked up! I like that; it's going in my signature! I think you finally hit a point where you quit being scared you'll "mess up your chances", and I hit that like a freight train. What's cool is that I felt no need to threaten or manipulate, or give an ultimatum, or scare her - I simply felt like "Here's what I will or won't tolerate - now, go do what you want."
And honestly, I am enjoying my time a lot. I think I only post the crazy interactions on here, but 90% of the time I am doing fun stuff with kids, hanging with friends, enjoying craft brews. I'm about to start singing on our church worship team again, and am back to my normal work out schedule starting tomorrow. Looking forward to the holidays, and possibly a trip to Florida!
P.S. A restraining order is a bit of a joke, at least in Ohio. You can get a $100 fine for contempt, but its not the same as what we call a civil protection order which carries jail time and several thousands in fines. Regardless, not messing around with it anymore or being threatened by it.
LOL, I think we're so far messed up I don't think we're even ready for that, honestly. Right now, I don't know that W will ever be ready for R without years of therapy; maybe me either.
I don't get the LOL part, I don't see anything funny. You don't have to worry about W, you just have to look at you. As late as over the weekend you were still playing games but when something happens it's all about how crazy your W is.
Step away and do what you say you're going to do. You've been talking no contact for months.
I think you're both addicted to each other. Not a good foundation for a R. I think others have said that your next R will look much the same until you can work on you.
Can you do that, Jon? What fear is holding you back?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
While I agree with most what have been said, I simply just want to surrender my sympathy and understanding. I can’t even imagine what you are going through!
I hope you are able to cope with it all!
Great qoute - remember it on your path!
F
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
W sent me a big long email about my boundaries. She said that she finally did what I wanted and agreed to try and work on our relationship, and now I was throwing it back in her face. She said she did nothing wrong and had nothing to hide, and was not in a relationship. She said I was trying to make her look like the bad guy, and she guessed as long as she was with me that was the role she was destined to play.
I didn't send this back, but my immediate thought was, "Oh boo-hoo, look who got caught, and is now trying to passive-aggressive the situation!" But that wasn't very nice, so I simply sent back "Another boundary is that I won't argue over email. Obviously, you have concerns, so you're welcome to call me. The boundaries stand. Have a nice day."
No communication after that.
Journaling today: I woke up this morning in the best mood. This whole time I have been trying to justify W - make excuses for her, believe in the 'best' in her, that she was just having a rough time - trying to love unconditionally. Even when I was furious at her, I'd end up feeling bad and caving and trying to poo-poo her, and it was like a massive separation/detachment happened Sunday. I'm not saying I hate her now, or that I don't care for her, but I feel like I'm looking around and the world has come into focus.
I think the justification is part of the reason for my personal roller-coaster, I would work so hard to explain away her actions, and then something else would happen that would pull my illusions crashing down. @labug and the drama triangle!
Again, I'm a looooong way from perfect - this isn't meant to dump all the problems on W. But it's unreal how clearly I'm seeing myself right now as well as the bigger picture. I'm excited for what the next couple of weeks are going to bring as I begin to shift the focus to myself!
I guess I'll repeat what I said several days ago.... It will be good to see a shift in your thread from your W, to you focusing on you and what you need to do.
If you think your W needs several years of therapy before going into another R, then how many do you think you need?
If your W had a restraining order against you, I am not understanding why this back and forth has even taken place??? You may feel Ohio takes those orders as a joke, but are you sure it wasn't you who took it as a joke? IMO w/ restraining order alone you should have caused you to go dark when that was established....
I truly hope you take some time and make permanent changes that will help you, no matter who you are with in the future. This being your second marriage, it's time to face that mirror and focus on you and your children, no one else. All the best to you on the rest of your journey.
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
If only for the sake of reinforcing how important it is to your process, I will repeat the question of those above. What things do you not like about JonF as a person, both in and out of a relationship, and specific actions will you do to work on them. (The out of a relationship part being more important now).
me: 30 XW:28 tgthr:4 m:1 no kids BD: June 2013 D: Jan 2014
I think you finally hit a point where you quit being scared you'll "mess up your chances", and I hit that like a freight train. What's cool is that I felt no need to threaten or manipulate, or give an ultimatum, or scare her - I simply felt like "Here's what I will or won't tolerate - now, go do what you want."