Intro - hoping for support/advice on DBing

[melissag]

Thanks for the replies. I hope I can get off moderation soon so I don't have to wait days on end to get some support. Update: last week went pretty well in terms of DBing. H and I had a talk - more apologizing from me. Basically right now he feels so burned by the way I hurt him that he can't see past it. He can't see a way that it would work between us bc he is petrified of going back to where we were before. He is so blinded by this right now (this is my observation) that he doesn't even recognize that he, too, contributed to the awful state of our marriage. In fact, at one point he said, "I'm not completely blameless here; I let you do some if this stuff to me." Ouch. I was proud of how I handled it, though. No argument from me. Nothing I tell him is going to make him see a different perspective.

So during this talk he said he still loves me and cares about me. He wants to still have a relationship with me, but we have to start all over and be friends first and see where it goes, if anywhere. He said he wants me to come see his new place once he gets settled in and come over for dinner with the kids. He also told me that he wasn't planning on dating anyone - he is doing thus because he needs to be alone for a while. That night, he slept in the bed with me instead of downstairs on the couch. Sorry if tmi, but we were intimate twice. That was Friday night. Saturday night, back to the couch. He was offered tickets to a football game and asked me if we could get a sitter, so I did and we went. We had fun. Things between us are normal - maybe even better - with the exception of the fact that he is moving out and that we don't touch each other. That is really painful.

Sunday morning he decided we should get a basketball hoop for the house for my son (7), who just started playing on a team. Huh? I am so confused. Monday came the reminders . . . He needs me to move money between accounts so he can pay his rent and security deposit. Ouch. He was initially planning to move out this weekend but I asked him to move during the week so it wasn't so hard on me and the kids, and he agreed. So it looks like next Monday.

I have been DBing like crazy and I think I am actually doing a great job of it. There is just so much inertia to this that I think it's going to take a long time to turn it around. I am petrified of him moving out, though. I feel like that will make things go more slowly, since we won't be around each other as much; and of course I fear that he will leave and feel happier.

I spoke with a DB coach yesterday and she offered me encouragement, which was great. I keep coming to the boards for more, since nobody in RL seems to support this.

My big hurdle coming up - keeping it together when telling the kids. Not only in front of them, but I'm pretty sure I am going to be quite angry at my husband after that. I will need to step away for a while, probably, to avoid blowing up at him.

How do you all get out your frustrations and anger when DBing? I do martial arts, but not often enough. Maybe I should get a bag to kick and punch in my basement when the kids are at school . . . .

Sorry for the long and rambling post. I woke up several hours early with a mini panic attack so I am not all that coherent, Any advice on how to convince my body that I'm not about to be eaten by a TRex and therefore don't need an adrenaline rush at 3 am would be appreciated. Or, just how to sleep at all.

I feel lie the past month has taken ten years off my life.