Is There Anything Left pt 5

[Not Quitting]

Interesting evening - completely unplanned as well. Monday night is Cadet night so it was tinned soup for dinner and out the door within half hour of getting home from work. At least that was the plan.

Just as we were getting ready to go out the door H called. He wanted to know if I wanted to grab some dinner with him while our son is at Cadets. I did say that I'd already eaten and he said "probably not much as I know what Monday dinners are usually like". He also said he wanted to talk so would I please go for coffee while he ate. He sounded desperate to talk so I let him talk me into it.

Picked H up on our way to the Cadet centre, dropped off S13 and found a restaurant nearby. The convo started out with H b**ching about something S13 had said my dad had said - not a great start. I stayed calm and simply said I would handle my dad. He then went on to say he still has feelings for me but that he won't come crawling back with his tail between his legs. I listened, let him do all the talking for now - yes, fighting back tears most of the time. He admitted using the wrong name with OW - oops, seems he called her by my name, and with witnesses at least one . He also said he doesn't know where he'll be in a month or two, that things could change. He said that S13 told him that I had said I would take him back if he wanted to come back, and I simply confirmed it. He wanted to know why when he's been an a$$ especially over the last 6 months to a year. The only thing I could say (and it may have been the wrong thing) is "because I love you and despite everything you've done and said I still do, and that despite trying to hate you I can't". He then went on to say that things would have to change in order for us to work things out. I agreed but neither of us took that any further.

The rest of the convo was about work, our son, his mum and her health scare, his brother and how he'd been caught cheating on his GF, basically anything other than our M. The best thing was the entire time he was making and holding eye contact, and he didn't send a single text the entire time, which means for the first time in a long time it was only the two of us at the table. He even shared his dessert with me, which is something he hasn't done for months.

Overall, it was a nice evening, and it helped to know that he may still actually have some feelings for me locked away inside him. He is still coming over tomorrow night to finish packing but I'm not as stressed about it as I was before. I'm not going to read anything into this as I've no intention of getting back onto his roller coaster. He still has a lot to figure out for himself, but he knows that I will be there for him if he wants me to be.